the face. aka. the devils spawn

I have good looking friends. i mean obviously, like attracts like. sexual boys, pretty girls. when we are all together, say, shootin pool on a saturday night, we are a good looking crowd. id check us out. boys in chucks and band shirts, girls in heels and snug tops, tattoos, jukebox killing it. like for reals. its pretty sexual. but then something happens. something so terrible i cant even believe im dedicating a blog to it. something comes over this crowd, something awful, god awful and disgusting. something i call . . . THE FACE
Now the face is a tricky thing. Its origin is unknown. theres many a tall tale as to where it started. and theres the eminent fear that it will never die. so for now i deal with it. even if it makes me want to puke.
It comes in many forms. theres the "just got out of bed face"



the "im only 21 but i now look 87 face"

the "im actually really hot but now im a troll face"

the "hey you look like a cabbage patch kid face"

the "group face"

the "you should never make that face again face"

the "lets try to make it sexual face"

and my new personal fav "the unintentional face!"

this face.
this fucking disgusting face
not a day goes by that i dont see it. not just in my dreams but amongst my friends. dinner parties. the face. bbqs. the face. beer pong tourneys. the face. at home all alone. phone chimes. text message: scott barrett. the face.
beware you guys
its like waking up next to someone after a night of too much whiskey and realizing they arent as pretty as you thought, in fact maybe you thought they resembled beckham and turns out its a 35 year old black man with a pick left on your pillow. this is the face. one second youre laughing and joking the next second youre puking. the face . . .

Clear heels shoved in a hiking backpack shoved into an overhead bin . . .

Las Vegas Nevada. Land of gold, glitter and in this event, SILVER. 21st birthdays are always exciting. Legalized gambling, drinking, and if youre lucky enough to escape the confines of your small town and get to vegas, a complete loss of inhibition. This was my weekend.
ok ok, i know im not 21, but a girl can dream, or remember? whatever.
the darling little sister of my best friend turned 21 last friday, so her even more darling of a mother treated her, her two sisters, and me (substitute sister) to a little getaway to the HARD ROCK HOTEL!!!!
As the question always goes when you live in Santa Barbara and you mention youre going to vegas . . . "are you flying or driving?" good lord on numerous occassions ive had to answer the awful answer of "driiiiiiiivvvvviiinnnnnggggg" i cringe at the thought of it now. Hung as shit in the backseat of whoevers car, deep breaths, window up, window down, window up, window down, pull over im gonna yak. its hot. im hungry. how much longer? why is there so much traffic? WHY DIDNT WE JUST FLY!?So yes. this time. We flew.
The four us piled in with our luggage. One with a bag big enough to cart Napoleon and Nostradomus, one with a pink polka dot story telling if only that suitcase had ears bag, one with look at me i have matching shiny i think im a kardashian bags and one with a backpack. yes folks just your typical northface, jansport, generic oversize, looks like im carrying a suitcase on my back, but its just a pack, backpack.
As we drive we talk.
"what are you wearing tonight"
"what shoes did you bring"
"are you gonna wear your extensions"
"hell yes im wearing that weave" oh wait, thats an answer ;)
"how are you gonna do your makeup"
"will you do my hair"
so in a nutshell, just your basic girl on her way to vegas talk.
but not all girls are the same.
not all girls pack backpacks
as i start rambling on about how i forgot to repaint my nails or get a pedicure, Sister one interjects.
"i cant stand painted toe nails!"
I take huge offense to this. Since the time i could use my thumbs (which im sure the only reason we have those midget fingers is to grasp the brush of an OPI bottle) I have painted my toe nails.
"thats weird, I cant stand when girls DONT paint their toe nails"
her being the sweetest kindest soul of a person, " oh no kami, not everyone, just me, I just dont like when my toe nails are painted."
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTT?! is she joking?
" what do you mean?"

*what im about to say is not exaggerated, it is not a joke, these are actual events.

"its not that i dont like it, its just that it makes me feel slutty"
silence


I look down at her toes. But you just painted your toes at the house.
again, this is a real conversation

"i know but i painted them silver"
laughter
"SILVER IS THE SLUTTIEST COLOR< ITS WHAT STRIPPERS WEAR!!!"

as i type this i still laugh. this girl. this little girl from Carp. and her silver toes. sounds like the makings of a jack and the beanstalk sequal.


and after a day at the sandy beaches of rehab . . . shes not only slutty, but dirty.

love you rose! you just go ahead and keep bein you ;)

Water into wine. or beer, and margaritas

So much of what I write about seems to stem from the smallness of this world. Whether it be me in Utah and meeting boys from SB, then meeting another boy who turns out to be the best friend of your boy in SB, yada yada yada. oops! Ripping off someones shirt when your drunk and having to wait on them the next night, or ripping out someones hair via wax and realizing the guy they are talking about is the same guy another one of your clients has been talking about. Its a small world, and a dingy of a town. But in then end, somehow, in some magical Santa Barbara way, everything works out.
Case in point.
The Water Fight
Just a little over a year ago, my girlfriends and I became friends with a group of guys. Instant connections on a friendship level. We drink the same drinks, we like the same bands, and we are all just really good looking. Matches made in heaven. We hit up the bars, go to shows, get tipsy, have an occassional makeout sesh. You know, just standard state street shennanagins. Everythings hunky dory. But just like on TV, theres that one girl. The girl thats already friends with these boys, she dates one. Theyve been friends forever, shes cute, shes rad, she drinks and thinks shes a little too tough. And on one special occassion, she really was.
Now maybe its my fault. I mean Im at a show wearing 4 inch BCBGs and a pearl necklace. shes in chucks. i have butterfly tattoos she has skulls. she has blunt bangs, im basically in an updo. i like a boy, hes her best friend. whatever it might have been, i was about to get hit with it. right in the kisser.
so we dance, we sing, we jump around, we take shots. im just hangin by the bar. puttin out the vibes. mid sentence with this boy . . .
okay maybe thats a little dramatic. but as a drunk girl, it sobered me up. girlfriend takes her bottle of water and THROWS IT IN MY FACE!!!!!
like WTF! i dont wear waterproof mascara.
needless to say theres an instant scuffle of boys trying to defend us both. and within minutes. i leave. commercial break.
Over the next few weeks i see her. she says nothing does nothing. so finally one night i take two shots and march my ghettoness up.
"HI!"
is she joking?
"hi"
"HOW ARE YOU?! "
im so confused
"im good . . . . do you remember throwing water in my face a couple weeks ago"
oh god please dont let this get awkward.
"OMG!! WHAT?!?!?!"
followed by a hundred sorrys and two shots of jameson. this girls alright.
i suppose im not the only blackout in this crowd. after that we were cordial. for the next year.
Now its a full year and some months later and I get a call to have some beers, oddly enough with that same boy and her. I go, and next to the studded sandals i purchased at ross for 12 bucks last week, it turns out to be the best decision of the summer.
after a few drinks and stories. The three of us come up with a million dollar idea. An idea thats gonna change the way girls look at themselves, change the way boys look at girls. And definitly have you reconsider the amount of money you tip your esthetician :)
Such a small world.
With such a Santa Barbara ending.
now if i could just get my paws on her associate . . .
Jaime. youre rad
Matt, your okay :)

I should prolly learn to keep my mouth shut

Working at the spa today. Always a good time. i love love love my job. Our owner has been in a lot more lately. Shes 8 months preggers and we are all so excited for the birth! Her and her boyfriend decided to not know the sex of the baby until the big day. so there has been lots of talk of baby names going on. I love her boyfriend. Englishman with a scottish accent. He and i joke around a lot. We have talked a lot about names for the child. From Reemus to Sadaf. Nigel to Levi. all kinds. Today he walks in wearing a shirt that says "DONINGTON" I say "whats donington?" he replies in a scotts accent "its what were gonna name the bebe" ME- "BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAA"
HIM- SILENCE
MY HEAD - omg FUCK SHIT BALLS IS HE SERIOUS!!
HIM- "you cant say that kami, what if i was serious!?"
WHEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
dodged a bullet with that one. but none the less it got me thinking of all the stupid foot in mouth moments ive experienced in the past months. starting with "OMG and your little nugget friend thats a virgin!?"

story goes like this
Wednesday night. Just your typical humpday. Worked in the lounge it was crazy busy so of course i needed a drink and a dance to cool my jets. Kelly and Rosalyn come in. we have some drinks and head to whiskeys. *sidenote* Whiskey Richards is no longer a lair for trolls and fix speed riding nazis. its actually a pretty hip little joint with sexuals and a photobooth.
Back to the grind. So we have a few drinks at whiskeys and by a few, i mean a lot. too much. a FEW too many. we get over it head to sandbar. $3 dollar cover. cross the street and stroll into Statemynt. Teds bartending and there are 3 characters at the bar. we down a couple hornitos and hit the dance floor. Shakin and struttin our stuff, the littlest guy of the group at the bar gets up and starts dancing with us. we freak nasty all over him in a bubble of laughter and his friends yell out "AY YO LADIES HES A VIRGIN!!
In typical Kami fashion i strut straight up to him, work my thickness down his body and come up and grab his striped white button down and RIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP. Buttons flying, girls laughing, boys jaws dropping. and then, just as quick as we came in . . .we left!
Flashfoward 24 hours. Im working in the lounge once again hangin by the bar chattin with john thomas downey. theres 3 guys at the bar that keep staring at me. again in typical kami fashion my bubbies are out to get so i dont really question why they are staring.
finally one of the guys says "hey where do i know you from" after throwing around some places we might have met, he yells out "STATEMYNT!!!" and i say " oh ya!!! we were dancing and i ripped your little nugget virgin friends shirt off"

the guy next to him looks up "HEY THAT WAS ME! I aint no virgin!"

insert foot, in mouth

Sex Hugs Punk Rock and Trolls - in other words. Home Sweet Home

Theres this little town located somewhere between San Diego and San Francisco. Its small. Sandy. Beautiful. Breezy. Its my home. I have been back here for just about 4 weeks now. I left a place that wasnt for me. And found my heart still here, still beating. It was a small adjustment getting here and getting settled. But in typical santa barbara fashion everything fell right into place. everyone lent out a hand to help me out. everyone smiled at me and for me from the day my plane set down.
It as well has been a hilarious adventure of the old kind. A group of perfect best friends living there lives in stride, up to no good and all good at the same time. boyfriends to hookups, breakups to what the fucks. new friends. new homes. the passing of energies. the annoyance of the loss of my mojo. the finding of my mojo. traveling soldiers. foreigners sleeping like sardines. pillow rooms. troll lairs. good friends reliving there glory days. beautiful men reliving them with me. family dinners. beach days. bronzing goddesses. laughter so loud the neighbors could complain. smiling till your cheeks feel like they might break off. strolling state street. warm embraces from old friends. cant go a block in this town with out meeting new boys or catching up with the old. date nights. happy hours. lesbian jokes. jokes on the lesbians. cats outta the bag chatter. and all of this in a days work. Its just the begining of summer.

and im home

PS. Ive since showered
good as new :)

Dirty, or looks dirty

Day four of no gas.
Not Kelly Villegas kind of gas, but actual gas. Or something like that. I am a lot of things, but handy around the house is not one of them. It took me these 4 days to realize something wasnt right. Yes, I am that girl who let water run for 10 minutes before i realized it wasnt getting hot. Then did the same thing later that day, and then again the next day. Until my genius of a brother said, "its probably the water heater." Utah schools are clearly better than California's
Its Monday. The last time I showered? Thursday
i know right!? So gross. It wasnt my intention of just being dirty for 4 days. I mean if Im being honest, I showered Thursday morning, then i went out. drank a little, danced in a sweaty club to a white reggae band and then slept in bed with a boy who, dare I say it, prolly hasnt showered in a few days either.ummmmmmm. awkward. Friday comes, no hot water .No biggie, ill just spray some perfume, load up on deodorant. However it was pretty hot at work that day, and i was wearing a long sleeved collared shirt. it was also perfect hiking weather that evening, so i ventured into the woods. I was tired when I got home, so I figured, what the hey! Ill just shower manana.
WELP, the next day came and I turned the water on. I let it run, ice cold, i waited, frickin freezing. Way to cold to shower. This is rigth about when the light bulb went off over my brothers head.
FUCK
WElP, hopefully no one at work smells anything funky. So i washed my face, slicked back my do and got dressed. My brother was supposed to take care of the situation.
*note to self: do not rely on 21 year old siblings of the male gender to take care of anything.Needless to say, I got home that night and the water was still cold.
So now its Saturday, I have to work and Im officially dirty. like, I can smell myself dirty. not cool. not sexual.
So i opt for the only thing i can think of. I soak a washcloth, strip down and start rubbin my body. Is this ok?
I figure, I like dirty boys, so shouldnt they like a dirty girl? Or do i like boys that just look dirty. And i dont wanna be a girl that just looks dirty . . .EFF.
Quite a predicament. None the less, i finish with my cloth and stick my head in the kitchen sink and attempt to wash my hair. Removable nozzles on kitchen faucets. GENIUS!
And at the end of all this.
i look good
and smell ok

Party at the Cemetary? At least I'm dressed appropriately

Just when I thought Utah couldnt get any more weird. Memorial Day 2010 was unlike any other for me. Normally days like that mean i get to stay in bed, horribly hungover from the day/night before. However since i live in the lameshine state at the moment, there would be no such thing. Instead my Sunday was replaced with 8 hours of boring work and my hangover with a ride to the beautiful city of Ogden, where I'd be in for quite a spectacle. And what a spectacle it was. At none other than, THE CEMETARY.
Now, I know that Memorial Day is all about honoring the dearly departed. Especially those that have served our country. And I have known a few, and I have remembered them on a daily basis, and I did remember them this day. So this blog isnt to offend anyone. It is to find humor in the situation that was posed. As one of the graves I visited was my stepdads, and I KNOW he would have got a kick out of what was going on just 6 feet above his resting place.
Because my stepdad is buried there, the Ogden Cemetary is one that I have frequented over the years. But never on Memorial Day. As we exit the freeway my mom pulls into a line of cars about 100 long
this is the line to ENTER!!!
Half an hour later we finally make it in, recieve a map from some old lady who looks days away from being here permanantly, and we begin to search for parking.
This is where it really gets weird.

Yes ladies and gents, that is a concession stand. at the cemetary. offering a variety of cupcakes, chips and soft drinks.
I couldnt believe it. But i couldnt ignore it. So i grabbed a cupcake and a diet coke. Just like the fatties that order no mayo, extra ranch. irony
Now speaking of cupcakes, As i stated in my previous blog, i attended a show of a friends band just a few days prior to my cemetary adventure. As i was getting ready this morning, i though, "OOH! ill wear my new shirt"
Picture me now, walking through a cemetary sporting a shirt that reads, DEAD COUNTRY. wow kami, way to state the obvious. The only thing that could have been more awkward would have been if I wore one of Mike's, MURDERLAND . . .
So as we continue to walk through, i am baffled by the party that is going on, bands playing, old cars parkin, and not parking on the street mind you, cars were actually parking ON THE GRASS!!!
like WTF, its bad enough people are unloading picnic baskets and kids are playing tag, and now cars who cant find parking are just pulling up on the grass. CRIPES. i think ill be cremated, thanks!







































eventually we find my stepdads grave, amongst all the morman muffins and french braids.
we kneel down and clear his headstone, place flowers and i cant help but get a little choked up. for a moment the chaos around me goes silent and its just me and him. i remember his never ending stories, his jokes, his booming voice, his sneezes that would scare me through the roof. and i smile. i know he knows im there and i know he loves it. my thoughts are blurred and i close my eyes, just remembering, and truly feeling that i was beyond blessed to have this man in my life as a father figure for the time i did. i was anything but a good teenager and he handled it like no one could have.
my meditative state is then shattered when my grandma leans down, drops some roses and says "see ya soon Roger!"
GRANDMA!! does the woman realize what she just said!? like welp, im about to hit it. meet you in the after life. geez. the older you get . . .
we walked back to the car and i couldnt help but talk about all these people, laughing crying, eating, all at the cemetary. it was so strange to me. and my mom looks over at me as a i snap a shot of a band, and says "youre the one in a dead country tee taking pictures on an iphone, whos the real creep here"
point taken.



love you Roger. miss you everyday

icing on cupcakes. words with friends. a night with DEAD COUNTRY

This little llama went to dead country yesterday.
actually i guess that part falls somewhere in the middle of the story. so ill start from the get go.
it was a cold and windy wednesday night. . . .



So pat texts me wednesday to give me the greatest news of the week! he tells me dead country is playing SLC thursday night. effen rad. couldnt have been happier if i never grew a hair in my armpits again.
so thursday comes around and the boys show up, from a long drive outta denver. dirty, sweaty, actually pretty sexual looking. picture 4 boys of this nature sitting around on my white suede sectional.with asian accents on the table as they watched their own music video on their mac. which by the way is awesome. lucky girl am i.
So i washed a load of laundry for them and they all took turns gettin in the showers. Luckily i have 2!
Pat went in
Jonny went
Pat came out
Jarrod went in
Jarrod came out
Nick Pat Jarrod and I sat and talked . . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
Jonny came out, oddly looking the exact same as when he went in
and then it was nicks turn.
all eyes on Nick.
"nah, im not gonna shower, i feel fine"
insert 4 voices in reasoning tones letting nick know the benefits of the shower.

"THE SHOWER INTERVENTION"

He caves. goes up stairs. we hear the water turn on. 5 minutes - - - -water turns off.
we all look at each other.
remember when you were little and didnt wanna brush your teeth, or wash your hands? so youd just go in the bathroom, close the door and turn on the water?
pretty sure that was nicks game yesterday.
nonetheless.
i cheered when he came down the stairs.
so the boys debate on bbq or not
we opt for greek. go figure
we head to the venue, check it and scatter to the restaurant.
nick jonny and jarrod - law abiding citizens, wait for the walk sign. pat and i, charge on

SLC READERS BEWARE!
when ordering a gyro at Souvlaki be sure to get the PLATE not the combo
For the wonderful price of $8.08 you can get
a gyro, rice and beverage
OR
a gyro, rice, fries, fry sauce, and a salad.
if you can tell me how that makes sense, ill buy your next meal, or ill just give eight dollars and eight cents.
as we eat i fake reporter the boys. for every 11 words i speak they speak 3 combined.
we talk a little about donuts but when the time comes, we pussy out.
as we walk back to the URBAN LOUNGE a small critter runs through the bushes. not a big deal, just a




















oh and i should mention that jonny was a super sport. considering his meal came out as we were finishing ours.

Moving forward.

We arrive at the venue.
The LAKERS win in dramatic fashion.
I turn Nick onto WWF (words with friends) if you dont know now you know
we play each other while sitting next to each other. except of course for the moment when pat says nicks taking a shit as my phone simultaneously lights up that nick has made a move. gross. but multi tasking. ima fan of that
we grab some chairs and sit around a table

we talk about cheek pinching which instantly turned me off of the first band. they could have sounded like Against Me! and i wouldnt have listened. asshole front man pinchin cheeks.
who does that
and who does that while wearing skinny jeans with cowboy boots.

and then this little llama went to dead country.
If you get anything from this blog, I hope it be new music. I hope it be this band.

BECAUSE THEYRE FUCKING RADICAL

8 songs that went by way to fast. 4 super rad people on stage playing theyre little hearts out.
i wear 5 inch gold hoops and false eyelashes.
i watch gossip girl and sometimes i like an umbrella in my drink
and i love this band. so check em out at
http://www.myspace.com/deadcountryla
and ladies. they were featured on the hills. NBD

Because im a nice girl. i wont dealve into one focus of the night.ill just insert some words to help you understand.
loud
embarassing
pats my ex bf
awkward comments
drunk
drugs?
chokeholds

but at the end of the day, the night was about these boys. and their music. and i suppose my convos with cupcake werent all that bad.
- CC, no shaved heads and likes to hold hands.

I love music. im lucky enough to have good friends that have introduced me to so many rad bands. and its the icing on the cupcake when the artists are your friends :)

and just a side note.
as i was in the crowd i could help but notice a strong resemblence.
you be the judge. pat and i already agreed, next to smoking popes, jonas is the shit























and ps
thank you pat for believing i was small enough to fit in a girls XS preshrunk. cause i am. REALLY skinny. the snake just looks fat

my pitch for kellys pitch (aka) hi guys! Im kelly, from santa barbara . . . .

Hi GUYS!!!!!
My name's Kelly, Im from Arcata CA, aka Burlville. I currently live in Santa Barbara and i am a gay man trapped in a females body. I highly resemble jim carrey and i act like him on the daily. and not intentionally. im just naturally really awkward. but it works for me. i mean it doesnt get me boyfriends or anything, but it gets laughs. I dont believe in love. but i do believe in unicorns and trolls. in fact i am a troll at heart.
I have an infectious laugh. "BAH" is the best way to describe it. its loud and unruly. just like me. i think that i would look really good on TV because real world never has a fat girl. and its like come on Bunim Murray, get with the times. we aint all skinny. especially me. I suppose that could be my pitch. Im the fat girl. Always funny, always purging.
I would also bring some prettiness to the show. not in the form of me, but of my friends. I basically have the worlds prettiest best friends. Ones from DC, dont mistake that, SHE IS FROM DC. and the other, is a wanna be playboy bunny that is now old and washed up with far fetched dreams. but still, theyre both really pretty




















like really pretty.
anyways. im a really happy little mexi nuggget. I was well behaved my entire life until im met 6 fabulous girls that changed my life.
now im super sexual and deviant.
but i never tell a lie.
I like tequila, red wine and gossip girl. I love carnita salads, and lots of modifications. I think id be good for this show because im different looking. native if you will. I have indian ancestory. and im not afraid to admit that. I am an EXCELLENT dancer. LIKE REALLY GOOD.
im kinda of smart, and a good massage therapist, although i like to be touched more than i like to touch.
my favorite color is nude, and my favorite song is birthday sex. i love soft things, and i sometimes forget what happened the night before. Ive been known to pass out while eating late night

amongst other things.
Im mexican. and i love chinese food, although it doesnt always agree with me. i go to the bathroom 18 times a day, and yet, i dont lose weight. im not afraid to fart on camera or make out with boys. but lesbihonest. ill be doing a lot more farting than kissing. so thats me in a nutshell.
please choose me.
im 22, ive only 3 years left. and lord knows ill never make into playboy.
Thank you
and good night

it. must. be the ass

In the profound words of Jennifer Lopez and JaRule "aint it funnaay" Back from Santa Barbara. A quick weekend of weddings, sushi, laughter, tritips, laker losses, and a little bit of booze ;) but really, it is funny. The last time i went back to sb was the very begining of January. Of course even then i had only been gone for two months, but i was still ecstatic to see my friends and family. but when i left, i was okay with it. not too sad, not happy but not devastated. this time. DEPRESSED. i cried, i laughed, i cried, i ate chorizo, and laughed some more. and over this chorizo breakfast i had a fabulous talk with my dad. and decided that home really is not only where your heart is but where your friends are, where your dad is, where a fat little shnauzer named shotzie resides. for me, thats Santa Barbara. took me 6 1/2 tortuous months to realize i can make a life for myself there. if i could get past my partyllama ways. and i can. i will. so a weekend of drinking and dancing and smiling from the depths of my soul to the curves of my now infamous 10 sizes bigger of a butt, all this turned into me realizing where i belong and who i should be. aint that funny

just this little guy hangin out all weekend

So Im head to SANTA BARBARA manana!!!!!!
asdlkfjwe4o82abgdsabhry#$^$%Y(AFVafekgtj[03q8t6u
thats code for FUCK YES!
i normally dont like to curse in my blog in the case that some small child gets a hold of a computer and stumbles accross it. Children like animals, perhaps one my google llama. and WHAM up comes the llama blog. fuck shit boners burt. ugh. just awful.
So although i just saw 7 amazing girls 2 weeks ago, i couldnt be more excited to see them again. although we will be minus two.
moment of silence for Brin and Jenny






okay.
it will be a fast weekend.
gossip is sure to flow like crown at the lounge on a sunday night
laughter will be louder than an ashlee simpson love song
and feet will be dancing like alex gallup in a tyler perry movie
theres just one thing
theres all us girls
and one big elephant that will be standing in the room

always a bridesmaid, no really, im ALWAYS a bridesmaid.

i am 27 years old.
tomorrow i will be a bridesmaid in my little sisters wedding. this will be the 5th time.
thats right the FIFTH time. granted two of the times were in weddings of my black widow mother. but none the less, i sported and ugly gown, carried a boquet, and hit on banquet bartenders as a minor.
i was a bridesmaid.
i worry that this is my lifes destiny.
not that im itching to get married. but i see poison ivy down the road and i forgot to bring calamine lotion.
tonight i was sitting and watching my sister and soon to be brother in law, and i found myself envious of them.
im not a jealous person, never have been. especially of other peoples relationships. but i must admit i felt a sharpness in my spine when i looked at them. i felt the same way in hendervegas when i watched tasha and mike.
i am kami punzal.
i am not this girl.
but am i becoming?
after i raged my black panties off, litterally, in vegas, i came home and thought . . . that was fucking awesome. that was a really good party. i was a really drunk girl. and thats entertaining to my friends. but . . .
but i think im done with that for now.
you dont get serious over a girl like that
you dont daydream over girls like that. and really all us girls really want is for a boy to get lost in thought at some point in the day about us.
and i realized. i really am. not. this. girl.

but i wanna be

this little llama might be growin up
this little llama might be seeing the error of her ways
this little llama realizes boys dont wanna slut
this little llama doesnt want anymore bad days
this little llama
this little llama
this little llama
wants a boyfriend??

TOP 10 THINGS I'D RATHER SPEND $461 ON

1. Paying off my cell phone bill - like completly paying off my cell phone bill
2. A 3 day mexico/ not really mexico cruise
3. the size 6 1/2 (ill shove tissue in the toe) nude patent leather Loubitons I've been eyeing for 15 days on ebay
4. the entire accessory section of forever 21
5. a weave
6. a one way ticket to Santa Barbara . . . tonight
7. an autographed Burt Reynolds poster
8. a good time at an undisclosed place with my 6 best friends in sin city
9. a scooter
10.a car that actually exists

Fickle little guys

There's a lot of things in life that arent fair. Like when you give up your seat to an old man and he finds a 20 under it. Or when your mom buys your little brother a brand new BMW for his 16th birthday when all you got was your stepdads dads 87 buick century. Or like how the eff is Chuck Norris so bad ass and Im not? These are all things that Ive had to deal with. And thats fine, thats life
Ive heard it a lot that girls got the shit end of the stick in life when it comes to the big stuff.
Like, babies. UGH. why do we have to have babies? We have to get fat, grow a human, be responsible for 9 months in taking care of that little nugget, and then, oh lord then we have to push it out. omg. just the thought hurts me. not fair
And in the same realm of this baby nonsense is the period. I know its gross boys, you dont have to tell us. And its just straight annoying, once a month for multiple days. I mean seriously? it can really put a damper in your social life.
But, just like the chuck norris thing, ive come to terms with this and i deal with it.
Ill take a period over a penis anyday
penises
boners
is this something that boys really cant control?
Do they have to practice? I mean i get it when they are young. just coming into manhood and perhaps at this point its completly out of their control.
But like 30
30 comes along and you boys have been well acquainted with your junk for quite some time
Have you learned to keep it up? Or down for that matter. And further more, does whiskey really make a difference?
For the past few weeks Ive put a lot of thought into this. How annoying it must be for you guys. How unfair it is that its possibly something that you have to worry about. Like a hot chick happens to make out with another hot chick. Are you instantly aroused? Is it a case by case kinda deal?
So I decided to go to the source. My friend mike. You can read one of his blogs here http://idolthreats.blogspot.com/ , hes full of useless information. This is why i ask him. i know he'll shoot me straight. no phony answers, no embarrassment. and he summed it up quite well, "Boners are fickle"
Ive dealt with some boners in my time.
they are all different, sometimes theyre in your face when all you wanna do is sleep. and other times they are blacked out drunk do not disturb cant move a muscle when all you wanna do is, well, all you wanna do is bone.
I once knew this boy, a friend of mine, and one day we kissed. Instant boner. I thought it was funny and just brushed it off. Then sometime went by and we kissed again. Boner. And mind you this was public kissing. People around, standing up, laughter inbetween kind of kisses. But yet, the boner.
So some more time went by and we eventually made our way to the bedroom. Boner all night long. Morning comes. Boner. Kissing before we depart. Boner. I got to thinking. Its not me, its him.
What once had been flattering now seemed so generic. Like having Frank Turner sign your CD, "Love Frank" and then seeing your friends CD "Love Frank"
Like WTF you dont just have "Love" for me?
So theres that side of the situation. When it comes to this boy, all systems are a go.
then theres the flip side
I once dated a boy who was awesome. It wasnt the most sexual relationship but nonetheless, deeds went down every now and then. One night we were sitting on the couch and i had my legs draped accross him and all of the sudden i felt a little tap. tap. tap. TAP. Like oh my god. you just got a boner. so random.
with this same boy we would go out drinking, come home and have sex. no problems.
occasionally we would do a little extra partying. still. no problems.
then one night, nada. and when i say nada, i mean nada.
like a new born baby. nada
why is this. what was different this night. we consumed the same amount of alcohol. we partied to the extent that we had in the past. and nothing?
in this case i wondered. its not him, is it me?
needless to say that was the last time we hooked up.
On that same note, my exboyfriend was the complete opposite. He could party all night long. He could put the kitchen sink up his nose at 5 am and at 515, he was ready to go. And he would go, all. night. long.
sidenote: boys, although it may seem super hot if you can last for hours, in reality our bodies arent equiped to go for that long. FYI
anyways
so how does that work. how can one guy not be phased and one guy phases out?
mike just answered this question for me, without even knowing the subject at hand. He says that the way chemicals effect the little guys is completly random.
hmmm
Boners
so perplexing, so random, so not something i would ever wanna have to deal with. at least not on my own.
So ill keep researching this problem. In fact, my life is an ongoing science project dedicated to this problem.
and some day ill get to the bottom of it, from the top :)

so, i guess this is life

Last night I was watching an episode of SATC, thats, Sex and the City for you idiots out there. Anyways, the episode was titled, " they shoot single people dont they" it basically revolved around all four of the girls coming to realization that yes indeed they are single, and yes indeed, it sucks.

They found themselves, dating ex boyfriends, crying alone in restaurants, and forcing themselves to like someone, just because.

I got to thinking

HOLY SHIT

granted these women are fictional characters, living in a fake world, and at a false age. but still . . . i found myself comparing my real world to theirs. Especially at the point when Mirandas 90 year old neighbor tells her that the previous occupant of her apartment died and it was a week before someone found her, and when they did, her cat had eaten half her face off.

dear lord

what a crazy bitch, not the woman, the cat.

My friend Natasha and I have always joked that someday we will both just live together in our old age and have a bunch of cats. cat ladies

well after last night i can tell you one thing

NO CATS

as if this wasnt enough to get me pondering my existance, i had lunch with my mother today. my mom is a strange breed. married 8 times, bats her eyelashes at any handsome face, age 13 to 87, took me to a playboy test shoot at age 17, reccomends laxatives and diaretics as a diet, you get the idea.

so we started talking about diets as i was dishing up a salad in which she tsk tsked me as i tried to scoop a second helping of croutons. Is this life? I cant even get extra croutons on my bowl of lettuce!!!

I have to be thin, but not too thin, i have to be smart, but not too smart, i have to be funny, but not innapropriate, i have to be sexy, but not slutty.

WTF

which way is up?

so ill diet for the rest of my days, only to end up living with my best friend and a bunch of cats??

somethings not right here.

then it came to me

boys with tattoos

My friend laura and i were talking a while back about how boys who work in tattoo shops always have girlfriends.

why is this

well the answer we came up with is simple.

theyre weird

and if they can find a girl, any girl

they latch on

and they NEVER let go

so is this the solution?

only date boys with tattoos? never buy cats? always eat salads?

im swimming in my own thoughts right now, tattoos, cats and salads . . . i think im on to something here

this time baby illll beeeeee, bulllettttt proof

been there done that messed around, im havin fun dont put me down. ill never let you sweep me off my feet.
i wont let you in again, these messages ive tried to send. my informations just not goin in. burnin bridges shore to shore, ill break away from something more. im not turned off to love until its cheap.

silly words
musical word
singing words
not my words
but words that ring clear as if i had written them myself. and what kind of irony is it that the girl who did write them, who does feel them, who sings them herself. this girl, i do not know, had never heard of, although i know her face. her face graces his phone.
Boys what is it with you? Im the first to admit that girls talk to much, we not only volunteer mindless information, we tend to just talk and talk answering more than just the question you asked, that is if you even asked a question.
Its a fault we have, annoying at times, but comes only second to you, your fault, NOT SAYING ANYTHING AT ALL
We dont need to know everything, in fact there are somethings we dont want to know. But when it comes to past relationships or lack there of, ummmmm we wanna know. and if you dont tell us, someone else will. and then. well then it hurts and then we blog and then we cry and then we feel stupid. then we feel like girls.
I thought i had something special, i thought oddly that i had found someone with whom i connected with well enough that although we never were in the same zip code for more than 10 days we some how managed to keep a connection, and build on it.
But i suppose in this case actions dont speak louder than words, because words were never spoken.
I should have spoken up, i should have inquired. if i wanted to know, i should have asked. and i didnt.
so a month later here i am, with no way to know now and only my stupid girl side of the brain funtioning. thought after thought of what was and what is and what the fuck.
EW
i hate it
i once told a boy to leave his heart on my doorstep, because, i told him, if he brought it in, it would get broken.
i was cold, i was mean, i was closed off, in essence, i was a boy
i was bulletproof

YAY SUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!

I dedicate this blog to the sun.
today was a salivating 65 degrees in the great city of salt lake
a little strange considering the weather we had just 3 days ago, but who the EFF cares. i needed the sun, and honestly i think he needed me.
not a cloud in the sky, we pulled out patio furniture, made lunch and just sat outside. amazing what the heat of something 93 million miles away can accomplish
my mood was lightened, my skin glowed, and if im being for real right now, my hair was on fire today. not litterally, but oh man did it look good.
its no wonder considering when my mom was pregnant with me her and my dad went back and forth on what to name me.
Barry wanted Kam whether i was a girl or a boy
Katie wanted Ra after the egyptian god of the sun, or really, because, yes for those of you smart enough to already put it together, my name would be Ra Punzal
Betch
thank god they compromised
Kam -a- Ryn
weirdos
So today i cheers to RA
the god of the sun, who shined so bright, bright enough to cheer me up which is not an easy feat these days.
:)

WAL-WHACK

I just spent the last 45 minutes sitting in the " Tire and Lube" center at my local neighborhood Wal-Mart.
wow
let me say that again
WOW
It started with me needing to just get my headlight changed. Figured, hey walmarts cheap, friendly, near by. Well, they are cheap, and they are close to home, but good lord, they are NOT friendly.
First off I walk in, to find a man of, oh I dunno, about 97 years working the front desk. And thats just how long hes been working there, so if he started when he was 15, well you get the idea.
he had about 6 teeth total, 4 were molars. and had a smile that would compete with Brin Manning.
Anyhoo, I suppose he was helpful, talked my ear off about the weather, easter, and cadbury eggs. He asked for my keys and I assumed he would pass them off to one of the mullet rocking mechanics in the shop.
Assumption: DEAD WRONG
I watched this old hunched man climb into my Jeep and rev her up.
My first thought?
I hope he likes the White Stripes
I might have forgot to turn the volume down . . .oops
So i sit down to wait. Not so bad, caught up on Sandy and Jesses breakup, Kristen Stewarts "rocking" red carpet outfits, and Reese's bday trip to Ojai. Lucky betch
Two men walk in . . . Ill go ahead and form this into dialogue so you can truly understand my pain.

(names not real)

Tom: "what you thinkin about over there"
Dick: "the Jazz what else"
Tom: "oh those Jazz, we might have a chance"
Dick: "Ya, if they can beat the Lakers"
Tom: "chances are good, the lakers are in the position to get beat right now, they lost purdy bad there the other evening"
Dick: " I just cant stand those Lakers, egos and such, I say let em lose, teach em a lesson"
Tom: "I have never liked them, you know Sandra and I went to a game when the E center was still the Delta Center, rudest fans in the NBA"
Kami: " hey hey now gentleman, I can listen to a lot, but I wont sit here and let you call me rude"
Tom/Dick: " (lol) well where did you come from sweetheart?"

the rest is history
the rest is a great memory
and old man river
he fixed my light

oh good morning spring! is this where youve been hiding

FML

I thought winter was over. The snow began yesterday, and ok yes, Ill admit, everytime snow starts to fall I still get a little excited. But after a few hours, not so excited, after 10 hours, annoyed, after 24, somebody shoot me.

I woke up this morning to this. Only to realize my car was parked outside and not in the garage which sucks on so many levels.

A: you know its gonna be freezing when you get inside

B: however it only gets worse when you open your door to get in and all the snow from the side of the roof blows in with a gust of wind. AWESOME! nothing better than a wet ass for the early morning car ride in.

C: Before you can even think about getting in, you have to first scrape off all the snow from the windshield, which of course by now is ice. Did i mention its a jeep wrangler with a slight lift and im 5'2

NOT AWESOME

then because my mom just loves to buy houses in the mountains, im forced to slip and slide down my drive way and cross my gloved fingers that i can stop before the light.

god bless a stick shift with a four wheel drive

Anyways, its April 1st, and that pic aint no joke

this is my life

did i mention i love utah

not only do i feel a little happier, i feel a litte sexier. all thanks to my sequined shorts that just got yanked out of storage in preparation for a little getaway to hendervegas. whether im with bandalicious boys, a mexual girls. my mind is floating at the thought of it.
comeeeeeeeeeeeeeee quickkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
dasha: bust out your minis you and i have a mission to be completed in less than 24 hours
kelly: there are black men in abundance in vegas
brin: first times a charm, im takin you with me to the tables
lawddy: oh god
lynx: YES
elina:youll fall in love with me
lizzy: FINALLY
roswell: pull it together
esteban: ill take a cab, but you better be ready
matt: beer just tastes better in nevada
mike: ALLABOARRRRDDDDD
strangers: sorry

2 minutes . . . 2 mintues in heaven,

I started this post well over an hour ago. Ive written a few things, then deleted. Ive closed my laptop and reopened. Ive looked at pictures, thought of jokes, replayed scenarios. All for the cause of wanting to be able to relay what I want to say in a manner that a five year old could understand it, or at least Kelly.
A while back I got a tattoo of a quote that has stuck with me since the day I first read it, "happiness is only real when shared" I always had believed that to be true, but had never felt it so immensly until I was here. I put it on my body permanently to remind me that what I have in my life, the friends, the family, the ability to talk to try and find laughter and fun in any situation, its a blessing. Something to never be taken for granted.
The past month has been the hardest. Ive felt my spirit change, my light dim, and my heart grow heavy. During this time I recieved a text from a friend that he just so happened to have to be in utah on business and was going to fly in a few days early to hang out with me. At the time of course i was stoked, but it seemed so far off. So I went on day by day, looking forward to that weekend, but day by day things got worse. From saying goodbye to the one boy i fell for, to the pressures of realizing your parents arent immortal, to finally just days before his arrival, not only realizing but facing my own mortality.
He couldnt have come at a better time.
When he opened his hotel room door, a little weight was lifted off my shoulders. A smile grew on my face so large and I buried it into his chest in a giant hug.
The next 2 days, when by in a matter of 2 minutes.
Matt, I heart you! You being here, in all your radness, it made me feel like Kami again.
I laughed, and I meant it. I smiled, cause I couldnt help it, and I drank, well, I drank whiskey like it was water.
My happiness felt real for the first time in a long time. And I couldnt think of a more genuine person to share it with.
From playing in the snow, to playing in the bars.
From stolen jackets to complimentary shots
From Saturday to Sunday
Too quick, too fun
So raise your glass to the endless pursuit of whiskey. And dont raise it to the three two.
You made my day . . .both of em

the lynxblog : boop boop

Picture this : two girls, cruisin down the street in a oh four, or 97, whatever. it was a green four door camry with a broken antenna. brakes slam, bodies jerk forward. why you ask? dog in the road? short yellow light? cut off by some dickwad in a chevy? no, none of the above. a peice of cardboard in the road advertising a garage sale from the previous saturday.

"did that sign say free kittens!?!?!?!?!"

i burst out into laughter.

this is the epitome of my friend jenny. animal name: Lynx

i just heard today that this little feline has booked her ticket to vegas. this brings our total to somewhere around 10. 10 best friends to be reunited in the city of sin, though in our case that town could be witchita kansas, considering only bad things are bound to happen when we all get together. its been a long time since we were all together. well over a year. for jenny, her move was the best thing that ever happened to her. as sad as we all were to see her go, it mimicked a mother seeing her daughter off to college. emotions run high, you cant imagine not seeing them everyday but you know, you know that its for the best.

so in a month and a half the lynx and llama will be together. Vegas will surely turn into a zoo. literally.

ello ello ello ello vee eee

There have been multiple events in the past few weeks that have me constantly on edge. I dont sleep at night, but ill sleep all day. i either over eat or forget to eat. im always stressed, there seems to always be something to worry about. which is exactly why i moved here, to get away from that. Utah has proven to not be good for me. Never in such a short time in my life has so much gone wrong.
But i deal with it, its life, and im a lucky girl. i am beyond blessed in almost every aspect of my life. One of my major strengths as my blog makes obvious is my girlfriends. I talk to these girls everyday and they never fail to put a smile on my face. no matter how bad the day may be.
One of these girls inparticular, gets me everytime. Always such a little trooper, always happy, always loving life and loving me . . .but not loving LOVE
This drives me NUTS!!!
I LOVE love. always have, ive grown up in a family of women who feel the same way. its no secret, my mother and her love history. and as strange as 8 marriages might sound, to me its normal, it luck, its bad luck, its the constant pursiut of love. and at some point you look back and wonder. Is love pursuing me?
With Kelly it is. And homegirl is on the run.
Kelly and I are very much the same. We have so much in common sometimes its eerie. But when it comes to love and relationships we are very different.
from the time i was a little girl i have dreamed of my future husband, my wedding, my dress, my children, even my childrens children. Ive always had a crush. always had a boy by my side.. whether it was just for the night, or long term. I have had my heart broken, ive had it crushed as a matter of fact. Ive broken a heart, and ive been careless with many others, including my own.
Kelly, has never had a real love. never been a girlfriend. never had a heartbreak, or broken any. Theres days when im envious of this. god what it must like to not have to have that heaviness in your chest. the tears in your eyes.
But then i check myself. Amongst all of my heartaches and tears, i have become who i am. my character has been built, my personality distinguished, my self esteem, although put through the ringer, has been built up.
She doesnt believe in love. she believes in the common assumption that people confuse lust for love. but if youve never felt love, how can you even tell the difference.
ive felt both.
love is real
love is the best thing we do (in the wise words of none other than ashlee simpson)
My dream is for kelly to fall in love, and yes dare i say it, have her heart broken. Its necessary. to rise you must fall. in the end youll be greatful. and the next time that love comes around, it will seem that much more sweet and that much more right.
she doesnt have to look for it. it will find her. it finds us all. most of the time its unexpected. it creeps up and before you know it your mind and heart are consumed with the thought of just this one person. and you find yourself smiling at just the thought of them.
Kelly it can come at any moment. it could be the guy at table 16, it could be the cook at los arroyos, it could be the next tanning client at avia. So in the wise words of my grandma. Always put on your lipstick when the doorbell rings, you never know, the man standing on the other side of the door could be your next husband.

keep the change

A year ago today, 6 of my very best friends and I were boarding a plane to Mexico. A week to be spent at a Hacienda on the hill, just 7 girls, with little or no worries, looking for a relaxing and good time.
Fast forward one year. Of these 7 only 3 are left together. Not to say that we arent friends, we just all have moved on. The friendships remain but the closeness is now distant. Talks come via text, advice is now given over the phone and laughter shared in the form of LOL.
I do not like change. Never have. but obviously change is party of life. as we grow, we change. our bodies change our ideals change our priorities change. Friends change, boyfriends change, housing changes, even our families change.
I feel that in no other point is change more immenent than in your 20's. College, jobs, breakups, apartments. Its always changing. somethings more subtly than others, but always, there is always something different today than it was yesterday.
So how do we cope with this? Can we cope with this? Or do we, in the end, pay our dues, and keep the change?
Its a hard realization to come to, when you realize what you once had and how it will never be that way again. Our monday night tv sessions, sunday drinking sessions, friday dinner with the girls gossip sessions. never again will we have exactly that. Sure we will find it in other forms. Soon enough we will have husbands, who have friends and their wives will be our friends. Modern day sewing circles. But for now, what do we have? Who do we have?
For me I hold onto these girls. these memories. and strive hard to continue to create more. only from now on they will be bigger memories and fewer and far between. But im learning to accept that. Im learning to cope with this change. Im learning that in every handful of change, theres usually a penny.
a lucky one

having a moment

i once went through a really bad break up. the kind of break up that alters your world. it left me homeless, hungry, tired, stressed, and unable to function for a period of time. that kind of break up that is neccessary in life. builds character, changes you, makes you realize you who you are. your strengths your weaknessess, your loves your hates, your needs your wants and how to differentiate the two.
it was hard. extremely hard. ive dealt with a lot in my short life and i can say without question, that this was not only the hardest thing for me to deal with but the hardest for me to overcome. and some days it still gets to me. i can still find myself questioning where it all went wrong. placing blame and getting angry.
during this time there was one thing that pulled me through. one thing that comforted me in my sadness and slapped me in my stupidness.
my friends
i do not know how i would have made it through.
and they all played such different roles. some just listened, some took me out to party it out of my mind, some shook the nonsense out of me and one even sat in the hospital with me :)
and even now almost two years later, i have the same friends. and i still turn to them daily for all my small boy problems, my complaints about my body, my annoyance with my family, my funny utah nonsense stories. they are still here. and because they are, i am

bernices addition to my post :)

Hey pretty ladies. Brin added her own takes on all yall. hope you all do too. I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!! theres something you do, thats got me walkin on the mooooooooon

i'm laying in bed crying reading this. not crying but sobbing like i was earlier while watching "kendra" the baby episode. hopefully im not preggers. this is simply amazing miss karl chung... here is my addition to this lovely list plus the intro to your own greatness.

kelbelv. no words to describe. tan as hell. leopard tank from express and robot shorts from j7. has seen me at my very worst. (wizzing while puking/the serious breakdown-breakup with den). ahh the nights of wine miami social and gossip. the nicest most genuine person i've met in my life (sorry betches, but we all know it's true)... keith-this kind of feels like the game we played on jason's boat when jason's mean thing to say about you was that you drunk dial him to much??

dasha. wild child. have pics on my phone of her boobs on my phone, ripping her leggings off at calle cerrito. she doesn't remember a second of it. the most sincere and honest lady nonetheless. would never lie. makes me laugh when i want to cry. smarter far beyond her years. probably cadavers most situations in the best way possible.

LAWWWWWWDDDYY!!! i always thought i was soooo funny. until i found out larry laughs like she's stoned watching america's funniest home videos about 18 hrs a day-not just at my jokes. this is was i love about laura. no matter how stressed she is (which is always. about everything from boys, to iv, to writing papers, to picking up her truck from khalids, to which shoes to wear, to running late, to working out, to drinking muscle milk or hornitos) she smiles and laughs. we started out as boyfriends laying on the front lawn of 721 islay at approximately 5am with simon and randy spooning to our left and dasha and panda dry humping to our right. our love is so right lawwdy lawwdy pop that baawdy.

youthful. young mike. youthful youthful young and truthful. ex of anal birtha. her youthfulness is what i love the most. she can be pissed of with steam blowing out her ears dealing with a dg @ omals when i walk behind the bar, pick her up and take her to the bathroom, and she's a new woman. laughing, snorting, carrying change. the first person to call on a sunday or monday to hit the 500 block before noon. i know if i really need something, i can count on mike. to pick up a check from a random neighbor on orilla del mar, or a box of wine 40 minutes before work. love this beauty nuglet.

simon. syrah. where do i even start. sara makes me feel at home. like family. whether it be cooking, working, shopping, bowling, drinking, dancing, rolling, or cuddling together, she's a true companion. we've broken so many rules and made so many memories together it's silly. always the person to get real time talk with about anything in life. loyal, smart, and gorgeous.

kadl. kamkam! from wang. punzy. karlito. chunga. my sister. serially. my sister. i don't know what words can describe you kadl. i remember the first 2 encounters i had with you. for about 6 months you were the girl who gave downey a manzillion. the second encounter was when i was managing indo (yes i managed indo on tuesday nights). i closed early one evening considering the only people in the bar all night were you, dylan, dasha, possibly lynx and jenelle. I turned on the lights and i heard a loud voice booming "is this place closing? what the fuck? let's get out of here" i was pissed. i was even more pissed when i had to face you on my first shift in the lounge. about 20 mins into the shift, however, i was in love. as were you (say i do. now!). there are too many inside jokes, nicknames, catcalls, sexual phrases, whathaveyous, to even start. i think i can speak for every single one of us mexuals that it doesn't make sense how your big heart fits in that little body. you have made and continue to make up a part of my life that is irreplaceable (by beyonce. house of dereon). bangs hangin in the eyes, bebe shirts from '98, and the highest heels on a sunday afternoon, love you kamkamkadl.

love ju girls beyond belief and miss you like crazy. can't wait till may. vivaaa las vegas and this beautiful group of besties forever.

distance makes my heart grow fonder

the other night jake and i were standing outside smoking and he asked me about my friends.
it was a short conversation with an eternal affect.
i started to think about my girlfriends. i mean really think about them. in that moment and every moment since i cant stop thinking about these selly betches.
to say i am blessed would be an understatement. i think about each one induvidually. all little peices so different but so the same, all fitting perfectly together to form something that cant even be put into words. but cant go un noticed.

Kelly - aka keith aka kelbel aka little kami - the young one, the so called innocent one, which i suppose she honestly was until i took over. the dancer, the always, and i mean always, girl who can put a smile on your face. by the book, obeys the rules. turns any story into an inside joke. cries only when neccessary. a light that is impossible to turn off and youd go broke paying the electric bill just to keep her around.

Tasha - aka tish aka nathan aka dasah - the bad ass. bitchy at times and doesnt give a fuck. so quick witted you never know what hit you. big fabulous fake boobs that we are all secretly jealous of. independent to say the least. would punch a girl in the face for you, litterally. loves ranch. honest, brutally honest. will never tell you what you want to hear, but always what you need to. my music buddy. no show is the same if shes not there with me.

Brin - aka bernice aka bren aka ahi tuna wraps - the . . .there are no words to describe her one. a smile the size of texas. always has a nickname in store. loves speaking in accents. has no shame, the girl has never been embarrassed a day in her life. can make me laugh like no other. so many inside jokes that at times i forget. a party girl, like PARTY girl. sweetest face, dirty mouth. i could spend everyday with her and never get annoyed. ive seen this girl inside and out, like really, and couldnt love a soul more.

Laura - aka lawddy aka taco - the slutty one. but not in a bad way :) laughs at anything, the girl will make you feel like jim carey no matter what you say. snorts louder than a prize hog. has a hard time walking in heels when drunk. takes steroids, wants to be a fireman. strongest bitch i know. has been known to party. the only girl i could call at 7 am and shes up and wants to go to daily grind too. the biggest heart. loves her girlfriends and always lets us know. probably the only person in the world that could actually get me to drink super pump and then work out, and then make me puke all afternoon and because its her, id do it all over again

Michaelyn - aka mikey- aka mike - the bitch. sharp tongue and isnt afraid to use it. ALWAYS working. never gets to party with us but when she does, look out! my roomate. my fast food buddy. gets drunk, likes to buy the entire bar a round of mind erasers. snorts too. undercover ho, and good at it. the BEST body of anyone, no question. beyond smart. beyond beautiful. the prettiest green eyes ever. gives good advice, needs to learn how to take it. loves boys and boys love her. sometimes i think she is a boy, or a lesbian. always knows what to say to make me feel better. i miss her everyday that i wake up and realize . . .im not in sb anymore

Sara - aka simon aka simona - the bumpkin. the one with a boyfriend. a country girl at heart. serious at times. likes to drink. loves dominos. will tell you like it is. dont piss her off. a pretty girl that loves her pretty friends. " wants us to stick together" gets wild. not one to dress slutty. a bartender. always makes good apps and throws a good party. a good girlfriend to us and randy. works hard plays hard. no other girl like her

my best friends. my mexuals.

two tigers

i told someone i would dedicate a blog to them. kind of a big deal. an entire post, all about one person, one little face, one heart. directly from mine to theirs.

no names needed, anyone who knows will know, and few will understand.

its officially 2:40 pm on sunday, im sitting in my bed wishing i was anywhere but here. 10 days. thats all i get. if i even get that. these past few months have been strange to say the least. making friends losing friends missing friends. tiny little twists of fate that led me to a boy. then more twists that took him away, then us airways that took me back to him. the real life took me away again, then the almighty dollar, or lack there of, brought him back, and now . . . well now the road. the road takes him away again. traveling through the mountains with the irony that only being shackled to the road may he really be free.

sad but happy. tiny tears at the thought of no more, but giant smiles in the thought of someone i sincerely care about doing something just because, because they want to, because they need to, because it will make them happy.

so ill sleep happy and dream sweet with all the little memories made in such a short time. there isnt a time that i can remember when i felt so comfortable so fast, smiled so much, laughed so sincerely and believed so immensly.

ill consider myself lucky, as well as anyone that meets this face on that trail. whether they get him for a mile or 200. they wont forget.

and i wont either

as much love as one could have in such short time

i send it with you

and hope that on somedays at some point, we think of each other at the same time

and ill smile

ive lived many lives, but none like this. if i had, id remember. id remember these tears, id remember to remind myself to not feel this way, id remind myself its only life.

sundance :)

yesterday i went to work at 10 am, i clocked out at sometime around 5 am. nbd, was well worth it when john legend stepped on stage with THe ROOTs!!! hands down one of the best shows ive ever seen in that intimate of a setting. the sound check was probably the best part seeing as how it was only employees setting up as he played away on his piano and sang words that sounded oh so perfect in our ears.

it was a long and exhausting day but extra nice to just be back in the swing of things.

and now, after working today from 10 to too long, i need to find a way to calm this little head down, get some sleep and rise early in the am to go right back in.

no complaints

everyday that goes by is one day close to andrew and i's austin/jake takeover

i CANNOT wait.

i think ill dream about it tonight :)

dare you to love me . . .

Yesterday was a good day. started out with some family time to remember my stepdad who has passed, then lunch at in-n-out. comfort food, just like home. and then off i went to park city. met up with andrew, who is ummm like totally my new bff, in fact at times it feels like he is my only friend. we drank a random beer, listened to some good music, that im actually listening to as i wrtie this, and then we off we went to baja for happy meals. 3 of those flew by and we headed off to bowling in heber of all places, and as i waited to ask a question about the jukebox i actually heard this conversation
employee - " hey there jim, hows that tractor comin along. you getter rigged up yet"
jim - "still workin onner, bestsy went a lil offer rocker so i been dealin with that the past few days"
employee - "betsy! that ol horse still alive?!"

i can only hope that betsy was indeed a horse and not a metaphor for jims wife. anyways
bowling was super fun, different but rad. i didnt win, but i was okay with that, the company i was in was well worth it
after that we ventured to mainstreet for some mischeif. my first time at harryo's or however you spell the stupid name, not impressed to big too hollyood too boots with the fur and such
then wound up with two locals girls i know from ciseros, let the boys run ahead to figure out a party sitch. only to get stuck in a convo about relationships and this and that and ughhhhhhh not what i wanted so i opted out as soon as they werent looking and headed down to the grey goose party to meet up with my "boyfriends"
drunk and silly i jumped off a ledge into what i assumed was packed snow, even though it had snowed all day? go figure. so when i jumped, i sank. in a mini, talk about a chill
andrew helped boost me over the wall and into the party i was. gets a little fuzzy here, but i know we were treated extra special, had some incidents with bottles, got in a cab and woke up this morning. great night, hearts to it
and then today, oh today, what a waste of a day, nothing but sat and ate and watched movies. not so bad though i guess when the weather was the way it was. and now tomorrow back to work . . .excited.
more to come . . . . . .its just friday err saturday . . .whatever