always a bridesmaid, no really, im ALWAYS a bridesmaid.

i am 27 years old.
tomorrow i will be a bridesmaid in my little sisters wedding. this will be the 5th time.
thats right the FIFTH time. granted two of the times were in weddings of my black widow mother. but none the less, i sported and ugly gown, carried a boquet, and hit on banquet bartenders as a minor.
i was a bridesmaid.
i worry that this is my lifes destiny.
not that im itching to get married. but i see poison ivy down the road and i forgot to bring calamine lotion.
tonight i was sitting and watching my sister and soon to be brother in law, and i found myself envious of them.
im not a jealous person, never have been. especially of other peoples relationships. but i must admit i felt a sharpness in my spine when i looked at them. i felt the same way in hendervegas when i watched tasha and mike.
i am kami punzal.
i am not this girl.
but am i becoming?
after i raged my black panties off, litterally, in vegas, i came home and thought . . . that was fucking awesome. that was a really good party. i was a really drunk girl. and thats entertaining to my friends. but . . .
but i think im done with that for now.
you dont get serious over a girl like that
you dont daydream over girls like that. and really all us girls really want is for a boy to get lost in thought at some point in the day about us.
and i realized. i really am. not. this. girl.

but i wanna be

this little llama might be growin up
this little llama might be seeing the error of her ways
this little llama realizes boys dont wanna slut
this little llama doesnt want anymore bad days
this little llama
this little llama
this little llama
wants a boyfriend??