sundance :)

yesterday i went to work at 10 am, i clocked out at sometime around 5 am. nbd, was well worth it when john legend stepped on stage with THe ROOTs!!! hands down one of the best shows ive ever seen in that intimate of a setting. the sound check was probably the best part seeing as how it was only employees setting up as he played away on his piano and sang words that sounded oh so perfect in our ears.

it was a long and exhausting day but extra nice to just be back in the swing of things.

and now, after working today from 10 to too long, i need to find a way to calm this little head down, get some sleep and rise early in the am to go right back in.

no complaints

everyday that goes by is one day close to andrew and i's austin/jake takeover

i CANNOT wait.

i think ill dream about it tonight :)

dare you to love me . . .

Yesterday was a good day. started out with some family time to remember my stepdad who has passed, then lunch at in-n-out. comfort food, just like home. and then off i went to park city. met up with andrew, who is ummm like totally my new bff, in fact at times it feels like he is my only friend. we drank a random beer, listened to some good music, that im actually listening to as i wrtie this, and then we off we went to baja for happy meals. 3 of those flew by and we headed off to bowling in heber of all places, and as i waited to ask a question about the jukebox i actually heard this conversation
employee - " hey there jim, hows that tractor comin along. you getter rigged up yet"
jim - "still workin onner, bestsy went a lil offer rocker so i been dealin with that the past few days"
employee - "betsy! that ol horse still alive?!"

i can only hope that betsy was indeed a horse and not a metaphor for jims wife. anyways
bowling was super fun, different but rad. i didnt win, but i was okay with that, the company i was in was well worth it
after that we ventured to mainstreet for some mischeif. my first time at harryo's or however you spell the stupid name, not impressed to big too hollyood too boots with the fur and such
then wound up with two locals girls i know from ciseros, let the boys run ahead to figure out a party sitch. only to get stuck in a convo about relationships and this and that and ughhhhhhh not what i wanted so i opted out as soon as they werent looking and headed down to the grey goose party to meet up with my "boyfriends"
drunk and silly i jumped off a ledge into what i assumed was packed snow, even though it had snowed all day? go figure. so when i jumped, i sank. in a mini, talk about a chill
andrew helped boost me over the wall and into the party i was. gets a little fuzzy here, but i know we were treated extra special, had some incidents with bottles, got in a cab and woke up this morning. great night, hearts to it
and then today, oh today, what a waste of a day, nothing but sat and ate and watched movies. not so bad though i guess when the weather was the way it was. and now tomorrow back to work . . .excited.
more to come . . . . . .its just friday err saturday . . .whatever

january continued . . . .

since 1997 i have never liked the month of january. its supposed to be a time of refresh, a month of change, order, resolution, happiness. we base an entire evening looking at a clock counting down, to the final second, for january. we cheer, we kiss, we hug, we smile, we hope for new beginings.
in january of 1997 i was young, only a freshman in high school, but i did these things. celebrated with my friends, my first year of high school. only 4 years left of childhood. i remember vividly that night. it was pretty great.

20 days later i lost my stepdad. left him in the morning, and never saw him again.

for the past 13 years not a january goes by, that i dont relive everyday of that month back in 97. however as the years to go by the burden gets lighter, the good comes from the bad, and the unhappy memories turn into only the good ones. until today.
-
life is about living.

but what happens when you die? we live our lives recklessy. it starts almost from the begining. running on wet cement, riding bikes without helmets, eating god knows what from god knows where. and then we grow, we experiment with drugs and drinking, we drive when we know we shouldnt, we take risks because we think we should, or we dont think at all . . . and yet, we still live.

my january that i had worked so hard to regain, has once again fallen

today i lost a friend that rarely did any of the above. he worked hard, in his career and personal life. he was healthy, successful and an all around pleasure to be around, at any time, period.
his life was taken for unknown reasons. its hard to process, hard to understand. he had a presence that would stick with you after only one encounter. easily described by his booming deep voice. i often teased him and just made him say my name. a man of men. and now hes gone.
Joe you could never be forgotten. its been nearly ten years since i first met you, and over those years you always put a smile on my face everytime i saw you. i am one of many that was blessed to have you in my life. i know your voice is booming somewhere else making the ladies giggle. just as you did here.
xoxo

Never was there a story of more woe

Flying high, riding low, living, loving, learning everyday so slow
weeks fly by, days drag on, life melts into itself before its gone
hearts to mind, confused dissoriented, where to go, who to be all the while jaded

my mind races and my heart beats and my palms sweat i cant imagine where ive been in the past, i search my brain for comparrisons, something in my own past to help me cope. nothing
twenty something mindless age, hopeless years, molding me, shaping me, deciding me. so what does it mean, where will it send me why does it even need to be.

cold state, layers for warmth, layers for safety, layers for hiding, not to be exposed, not to get cold

for now we go forward, not to look back, straight ahead, blinders on . . .

beaches besties and blues

Home (insert word) home, should be sweet, right? After a grueling 12 hour drive yesterday, I am back in Salt Lake, I have mixed emotions on this fact. The past few days were a little piece of heaven on earth. I had adjusted to my new life here in Utah, I had made new friends, found a boy to heart, working, having family time. It was santa barbara, but in the snow. I thought it was good. But being home made me realize how lucky i am to have what i have in my life.

sitting at mesa cafe in the morning having breakfast with my dad and shotzie was exactly the kind of mornings that i miss. in a two hour lunch we ran into 8 friends, sitting in the sun drinking apple juice coffee and water. so me, so perfect. and then to return to mesa cafe 2 hours later for what could be described as the quintessential best friend dining experience. 6 girls sitting around table, laughing, gossiping, getting and giving advice. sharing stories, pictures laughter and love. i miss that more than words photos anything could describe.

needless to say it got my mind twirling in circles and forcing me to think about what my next step will be. where will i go, who will i be, and who will be by my side.

its a strange place to be in life. i have no specific attatchment, nothing to a job, a true love, a home, a school . . . im litterally that balloon with a string that could easily be let go of.

the question is, where will i float too . . .

yayayyayayay santa barbara awwwwwww i misssss you guys, im so happy, happy happy happy

Kelly Villegas is my prettiest friend, i love her. she lays next to me in bed and smiles and i am complete. she says im not aloud to drink until 4, eff.  her hair is really long, basically extensions.  she hates bushbabys. slim. shady.

and then

so here i am in santa barbara, i was super anxious to get here and nervous and weird.  but as i sat down at state and a and looked across the table my heart lit up.  i didnt realize how much i missed my best friends.  im soooooooo lucky.every girl should get to be me at some point and have the girls that i have in their lives.

the phone just rang!!! its taco!!!!!!!

get here now~

shes in bed, in san diego, and i need her here now.

asdkljfa485u4389678tyroghreuq092458748q7[tufjdksfa

thats me being happy. so incredibly happy, llamas are the 8th angriest animal on the planet. but not this one,

2nd happiest

brin manning, kelly villegas, 9 years ago i was 12 years old

tasha deacon, jake mccomb

if i get pregnant im gonna sue rite aid i mean cvs

laura carvajal, michelle doherty

MUAH!!!!

hearts beating out of my chest, phones ringing happy voices taquitos driving, hikes with brad and stevie and the dogs, jukeboxes, jameson and love

2nd happiest. ever. eva eva

An open letter to my friends

Dear Natasha, Kelly, Michaelyn, Bianca, Lawddy, Brin, Sara, Lizzy, Sharon, Shannon, Katie, Terence, Stevie, Johnny D, Dad, and those of you who have slipped my mind (oops),
Today is Thursday, tomorrow is Friday, and the following day, well the following day is Saturday. Saturdays are always good days, regardless of what they usually bring. However this saturday will be one for the books. For a small white llama will be boarding a plane in the snow and exiting in the sun!
I have had a diffucult first month, a fabulous two weeks and a sad last few days. Its like a headache that there is only one cure for.
I need my friends. I love you guys more than ones blog could ever explain. I miss the days of our sillyness, beaches, bars, bbqs, beer pong. . . the list goes on and on. 3 days is just simply not long enough for us to get it all in and out of our systems.
But it is enough to remind me of how truly blessed i am to have people like you in my life. i hope that my little insignifigant face and smile can cheer you up the way yours will for mine...
BRIN MANNING! i would give my left foot for you to be here, hobble around on crutches for the rest of my days all to see your ahi tuna wrapped face!!
love you bunches
muchismas besos
xoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxo
cant wait for arigato :)
llama

awkward work conversations

As I paced around the bar tonight I noticed one interesting thing. I counted 21 guys, and besides myself and the bartender, not one other girl. if youre in the market for love, you are in paradise.
shortly there after one of the girls that works upstairs came down for a post shift shot and beer. she pulled up a chair at the table directly centered in the bar. i noticed her checkin out the scene and finally after feeling kinda bad i walked up and started a conversation with her.
she told me that she was sitting in that exact spot as an experiment to see how long it would take for one of these tool like gentlemen to approach her. she was slightly bummed that it wasnt working but i helped her find humor in the situation.
and thennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn . . . .. .
she went on to tell me how she had started seeing the brother of a coworker upstairs, but only started seeing him after she had lost her chance with the owners son. she starts telling me how she was instantly super attracted to the owners son and tried to make a couple passes at him but they were unrecipricated. she figured that he probably wasnt interested due to the conflict of interest seeing as how his dad owned the joint.
i held back my laughter surprisingly well until she said, and i quote " and then i saw him with some stupid girl, like WHAT he has a girlfriend?! i mean he just came back into town, like who is this girl?!"
my laughter came out in a snort of true laura carvajal fashion.
she looked me in the eye and said, "oh my god, it was you!"
in the end we both laughed about and she went on to tell me how cute he was (numerous times) and how lucky i had been.
i agreed, smiled, and walked away

dislike

i strongly dislike stupid big trucks on freeways that let lose of unprecious cargo. ugh. near death experience were supposed to be a thing of the past. now im carless, again, in the snow, with two jobs. awesome

on a lighter note, my countdown to sbdom is on. i cant wait to grab my girlfriends, throw my arms around them and smile ear to ear.

and on an even lighter note, my hair will be lighter too, thanks to shannon coburn, my lesbian love. ive missed that part of my old life too ;)

and then ill leave on tuesday, my most hated day of the week, oh tuesdays just stop already, go away, youre not wanted here. keith villegas you pull my heartstrings.

xoxooxoxoxoxoxxooxox muahhahahahahahhaha

No more monkeys jumpin on the bed

Woke up this morning feeling the exact opposite of how I've been feeling everyday for the past 2 weeks. SAD!!

The little monkey face that has beyond brightened my days for several days now, took off to a lighter and brighter (and dumber) state this morning. So strange how you can go from such extreme emotions so so so quickly.

Moving here brought on a sadness that i hadnt really experienced before, it took me quite some time to adjust and i finally did. I owe a majority of that adjustment to him. and now ive been thrown for a loop that i knew was coming, i knew from the second i even heard of his existence that he wasnt here for good. i let myself fall into a situation that i cant just pull myself out of. I heart his face, the first face i have hearted in ummmmmm i dont know, like forever. amazing awesome radness of a boy that my little face got so lucky to have. and now, now i have to wait . . . OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH february 8th you cant come fast enough. cant wait cant wait cant wait.

to fly to austin to see my favorite musician with my favority boy in my most hated new city.

so now here i am, sunday morning. weird. alone on my couch, replaying everyday of the past few weeks, putting a smile on my face. a far cry from what i looked like about 30 minutes ago on my drive home. holding back tears feeling like a loser, almost sliding down the driveway on a chunk of ice.

who woulda ever thought such a short time could bring such ridiculous happiness and such quick real sadness.

before my trip to austin comes my trip home. perfect timing, cause this sad little llama will need all the girlie affection she can get. xoxo