TOP 10 THINGS I'D RATHER SPEND $461 ON

1. Paying off my cell phone bill - like completly paying off my cell phone bill
2. A 3 day mexico/ not really mexico cruise
3. the size 6 1/2 (ill shove tissue in the toe) nude patent leather Loubitons I've been eyeing for 15 days on ebay
4. the entire accessory section of forever 21
5. a weave
6. a one way ticket to Santa Barbara . . . tonight
7. an autographed Burt Reynolds poster
8. a good time at an undisclosed place with my 6 best friends in sin city
9. a scooter
10.a car that actually exists

Fickle little guys

There's a lot of things in life that arent fair. Like when you give up your seat to an old man and he finds a 20 under it. Or when your mom buys your little brother a brand new BMW for his 16th birthday when all you got was your stepdads dads 87 buick century. Or like how the eff is Chuck Norris so bad ass and Im not? These are all things that Ive had to deal with. And thats fine, thats life
Ive heard it a lot that girls got the shit end of the stick in life when it comes to the big stuff.
Like, babies. UGH. why do we have to have babies? We have to get fat, grow a human, be responsible for 9 months in taking care of that little nugget, and then, oh lord then we have to push it out. omg. just the thought hurts me. not fair
And in the same realm of this baby nonsense is the period. I know its gross boys, you dont have to tell us. And its just straight annoying, once a month for multiple days. I mean seriously? it can really put a damper in your social life.
But, just like the chuck norris thing, ive come to terms with this and i deal with it.
Ill take a period over a penis anyday
penises
boners
is this something that boys really cant control?
Do they have to practice? I mean i get it when they are young. just coming into manhood and perhaps at this point its completly out of their control.
But like 30
30 comes along and you boys have been well acquainted with your junk for quite some time
Have you learned to keep it up? Or down for that matter. And further more, does whiskey really make a difference?
For the past few weeks Ive put a lot of thought into this. How annoying it must be for you guys. How unfair it is that its possibly something that you have to worry about. Like a hot chick happens to make out with another hot chick. Are you instantly aroused? Is it a case by case kinda deal?
So I decided to go to the source. My friend mike. You can read one of his blogs here http://idolthreats.blogspot.com/ , hes full of useless information. This is why i ask him. i know he'll shoot me straight. no phony answers, no embarrassment. and he summed it up quite well, "Boners are fickle"
Ive dealt with some boners in my time.
they are all different, sometimes theyre in your face when all you wanna do is sleep. and other times they are blacked out drunk do not disturb cant move a muscle when all you wanna do is, well, all you wanna do is bone.
I once knew this boy, a friend of mine, and one day we kissed. Instant boner. I thought it was funny and just brushed it off. Then sometime went by and we kissed again. Boner. And mind you this was public kissing. People around, standing up, laughter inbetween kind of kisses. But yet, the boner.
So some more time went by and we eventually made our way to the bedroom. Boner all night long. Morning comes. Boner. Kissing before we depart. Boner. I got to thinking. Its not me, its him.
What once had been flattering now seemed so generic. Like having Frank Turner sign your CD, "Love Frank" and then seeing your friends CD "Love Frank"
Like WTF you dont just have "Love" for me?
So theres that side of the situation. When it comes to this boy, all systems are a go.
then theres the flip side
I once dated a boy who was awesome. It wasnt the most sexual relationship but nonetheless, deeds went down every now and then. One night we were sitting on the couch and i had my legs draped accross him and all of the sudden i felt a little tap. tap. tap. TAP. Like oh my god. you just got a boner. so random.
with this same boy we would go out drinking, come home and have sex. no problems.
occasionally we would do a little extra partying. still. no problems.
then one night, nada. and when i say nada, i mean nada.
like a new born baby. nada
why is this. what was different this night. we consumed the same amount of alcohol. we partied to the extent that we had in the past. and nothing?
in this case i wondered. its not him, is it me?
needless to say that was the last time we hooked up.
On that same note, my exboyfriend was the complete opposite. He could party all night long. He could put the kitchen sink up his nose at 5 am and at 515, he was ready to go. And he would go, all. night. long.
sidenote: boys, although it may seem super hot if you can last for hours, in reality our bodies arent equiped to go for that long. FYI
anyways
so how does that work. how can one guy not be phased and one guy phases out?
mike just answered this question for me, without even knowing the subject at hand. He says that the way chemicals effect the little guys is completly random.
hmmm
Boners
so perplexing, so random, so not something i would ever wanna have to deal with. at least not on my own.
So ill keep researching this problem. In fact, my life is an ongoing science project dedicated to this problem.
and some day ill get to the bottom of it, from the top :)

so, i guess this is life

Last night I was watching an episode of SATC, thats, Sex and the City for you idiots out there. Anyways, the episode was titled, " they shoot single people dont they" it basically revolved around all four of the girls coming to realization that yes indeed they are single, and yes indeed, it sucks.

They found themselves, dating ex boyfriends, crying alone in restaurants, and forcing themselves to like someone, just because.

I got to thinking

HOLY SHIT

granted these women are fictional characters, living in a fake world, and at a false age. but still . . . i found myself comparing my real world to theirs. Especially at the point when Mirandas 90 year old neighbor tells her that the previous occupant of her apartment died and it was a week before someone found her, and when they did, her cat had eaten half her face off.

dear lord

what a crazy bitch, not the woman, the cat.

My friend Natasha and I have always joked that someday we will both just live together in our old age and have a bunch of cats. cat ladies

well after last night i can tell you one thing

NO CATS

as if this wasnt enough to get me pondering my existance, i had lunch with my mother today. my mom is a strange breed. married 8 times, bats her eyelashes at any handsome face, age 13 to 87, took me to a playboy test shoot at age 17, reccomends laxatives and diaretics as a diet, you get the idea.

so we started talking about diets as i was dishing up a salad in which she tsk tsked me as i tried to scoop a second helping of croutons. Is this life? I cant even get extra croutons on my bowl of lettuce!!!

I have to be thin, but not too thin, i have to be smart, but not too smart, i have to be funny, but not innapropriate, i have to be sexy, but not slutty.

WTF

which way is up?

so ill diet for the rest of my days, only to end up living with my best friend and a bunch of cats??

somethings not right here.

then it came to me

boys with tattoos

My friend laura and i were talking a while back about how boys who work in tattoo shops always have girlfriends.

why is this

well the answer we came up with is simple.

theyre weird

and if they can find a girl, any girl

they latch on

and they NEVER let go

so is this the solution?

only date boys with tattoos? never buy cats? always eat salads?

im swimming in my own thoughts right now, tattoos, cats and salads . . . i think im on to something here

this time baby illll beeeeee, bulllettttt proof

been there done that messed around, im havin fun dont put me down. ill never let you sweep me off my feet.
i wont let you in again, these messages ive tried to send. my informations just not goin in. burnin bridges shore to shore, ill break away from something more. im not turned off to love until its cheap.

silly words
musical word
singing words
not my words
but words that ring clear as if i had written them myself. and what kind of irony is it that the girl who did write them, who does feel them, who sings them herself. this girl, i do not know, had never heard of, although i know her face. her face graces his phone.
Boys what is it with you? Im the first to admit that girls talk to much, we not only volunteer mindless information, we tend to just talk and talk answering more than just the question you asked, that is if you even asked a question.
Its a fault we have, annoying at times, but comes only second to you, your fault, NOT SAYING ANYTHING AT ALL
We dont need to know everything, in fact there are somethings we dont want to know. But when it comes to past relationships or lack there of, ummmmm we wanna know. and if you dont tell us, someone else will. and then. well then it hurts and then we blog and then we cry and then we feel stupid. then we feel like girls.
I thought i had something special, i thought oddly that i had found someone with whom i connected with well enough that although we never were in the same zip code for more than 10 days we some how managed to keep a connection, and build on it.
But i suppose in this case actions dont speak louder than words, because words were never spoken.
I should have spoken up, i should have inquired. if i wanted to know, i should have asked. and i didnt.
so a month later here i am, with no way to know now and only my stupid girl side of the brain funtioning. thought after thought of what was and what is and what the fuck.
EW
i hate it
i once told a boy to leave his heart on my doorstep, because, i told him, if he brought it in, it would get broken.
i was cold, i was mean, i was closed off, in essence, i was a boy
i was bulletproof

YAY SUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!

I dedicate this blog to the sun.
today was a salivating 65 degrees in the great city of salt lake
a little strange considering the weather we had just 3 days ago, but who the EFF cares. i needed the sun, and honestly i think he needed me.
not a cloud in the sky, we pulled out patio furniture, made lunch and just sat outside. amazing what the heat of something 93 million miles away can accomplish
my mood was lightened, my skin glowed, and if im being for real right now, my hair was on fire today. not litterally, but oh man did it look good.
its no wonder considering when my mom was pregnant with me her and my dad went back and forth on what to name me.
Barry wanted Kam whether i was a girl or a boy
Katie wanted Ra after the egyptian god of the sun, or really, because, yes for those of you smart enough to already put it together, my name would be Ra Punzal
Betch
thank god they compromised
Kam -a- Ryn
weirdos
So today i cheers to RA
the god of the sun, who shined so bright, bright enough to cheer me up which is not an easy feat these days.
:)

WAL-WHACK

I just spent the last 45 minutes sitting in the " Tire and Lube" center at my local neighborhood Wal-Mart.
wow
let me say that again
WOW
It started with me needing to just get my headlight changed. Figured, hey walmarts cheap, friendly, near by. Well, they are cheap, and they are close to home, but good lord, they are NOT friendly.
First off I walk in, to find a man of, oh I dunno, about 97 years working the front desk. And thats just how long hes been working there, so if he started when he was 15, well you get the idea.
he had about 6 teeth total, 4 were molars. and had a smile that would compete with Brin Manning.
Anyhoo, I suppose he was helpful, talked my ear off about the weather, easter, and cadbury eggs. He asked for my keys and I assumed he would pass them off to one of the mullet rocking mechanics in the shop.
Assumption: DEAD WRONG
I watched this old hunched man climb into my Jeep and rev her up.
My first thought?
I hope he likes the White Stripes
I might have forgot to turn the volume down . . .oops
So i sit down to wait. Not so bad, caught up on Sandy and Jesses breakup, Kristen Stewarts "rocking" red carpet outfits, and Reese's bday trip to Ojai. Lucky betch
Two men walk in . . . Ill go ahead and form this into dialogue so you can truly understand my pain.

(names not real)

Tom: "what you thinkin about over there"
Dick: "the Jazz what else"
Tom: "oh those Jazz, we might have a chance"
Dick: "Ya, if they can beat the Lakers"
Tom: "chances are good, the lakers are in the position to get beat right now, they lost purdy bad there the other evening"
Dick: " I just cant stand those Lakers, egos and such, I say let em lose, teach em a lesson"
Tom: "I have never liked them, you know Sandra and I went to a game when the E center was still the Delta Center, rudest fans in the NBA"
Kami: " hey hey now gentleman, I can listen to a lot, but I wont sit here and let you call me rude"
Tom/Dick: " (lol) well where did you come from sweetheart?"

the rest is history
the rest is a great memory
and old man river
he fixed my light

oh good morning spring! is this where youve been hiding

FML

I thought winter was over. The snow began yesterday, and ok yes, Ill admit, everytime snow starts to fall I still get a little excited. But after a few hours, not so excited, after 10 hours, annoyed, after 24, somebody shoot me.

I woke up this morning to this. Only to realize my car was parked outside and not in the garage which sucks on so many levels.

A: you know its gonna be freezing when you get inside

B: however it only gets worse when you open your door to get in and all the snow from the side of the roof blows in with a gust of wind. AWESOME! nothing better than a wet ass for the early morning car ride in.

C: Before you can even think about getting in, you have to first scrape off all the snow from the windshield, which of course by now is ice. Did i mention its a jeep wrangler with a slight lift and im 5'2

NOT AWESOME

then because my mom just loves to buy houses in the mountains, im forced to slip and slide down my drive way and cross my gloved fingers that i can stop before the light.

god bless a stick shift with a four wheel drive

Anyways, its April 1st, and that pic aint no joke

this is my life

did i mention i love utah