not only do i feel a little happier, i feel a litte sexier. all thanks to my sequined shorts that just got yanked out of storage in preparation for a little getaway to hendervegas. whether im with bandalicious boys, a mexual girls. my mind is floating at the thought of it.
comeeeeeeeeeeeeeee quickkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
dasha: bust out your minis you and i have a mission to be completed in less than 24 hours
kelly: there are black men in abundance in vegas
brin: first times a charm, im takin you with me to the tables
lawddy: oh god
lynx: YES
elina:youll fall in love with me
lizzy: FINALLY
roswell: pull it together
esteban: ill take a cab, but you better be ready
matt: beer just tastes better in nevada
mike: ALLABOARRRRDDDDD
strangers: sorry

2 minutes . . . 2 mintues in heaven,

I started this post well over an hour ago. Ive written a few things, then deleted. Ive closed my laptop and reopened. Ive looked at pictures, thought of jokes, replayed scenarios. All for the cause of wanting to be able to relay what I want to say in a manner that a five year old could understand it, or at least Kelly.
A while back I got a tattoo of a quote that has stuck with me since the day I first read it, "happiness is only real when shared" I always had believed that to be true, but had never felt it so immensly until I was here. I put it on my body permanently to remind me that what I have in my life, the friends, the family, the ability to talk to try and find laughter and fun in any situation, its a blessing. Something to never be taken for granted.
The past month has been the hardest. Ive felt my spirit change, my light dim, and my heart grow heavy. During this time I recieved a text from a friend that he just so happened to have to be in utah on business and was going to fly in a few days early to hang out with me. At the time of course i was stoked, but it seemed so far off. So I went on day by day, looking forward to that weekend, but day by day things got worse. From saying goodbye to the one boy i fell for, to the pressures of realizing your parents arent immortal, to finally just days before his arrival, not only realizing but facing my own mortality.
He couldnt have come at a better time.
When he opened his hotel room door, a little weight was lifted off my shoulders. A smile grew on my face so large and I buried it into his chest in a giant hug.
The next 2 days, when by in a matter of 2 minutes.
Matt, I heart you! You being here, in all your radness, it made me feel like Kami again.
I laughed, and I meant it. I smiled, cause I couldnt help it, and I drank, well, I drank whiskey like it was water.
My happiness felt real for the first time in a long time. And I couldnt think of a more genuine person to share it with.
From playing in the snow, to playing in the bars.
From stolen jackets to complimentary shots
From Saturday to Sunday
Too quick, too fun
So raise your glass to the endless pursuit of whiskey. And dont raise it to the three two.
You made my day . . .both of em

the lynxblog : boop boop

Picture this : two girls, cruisin down the street in a oh four, or 97, whatever. it was a green four door camry with a broken antenna. brakes slam, bodies jerk forward. why you ask? dog in the road? short yellow light? cut off by some dickwad in a chevy? no, none of the above. a peice of cardboard in the road advertising a garage sale from the previous saturday.

"did that sign say free kittens!?!?!?!?!"

i burst out into laughter.

this is the epitome of my friend jenny. animal name: Lynx

i just heard today that this little feline has booked her ticket to vegas. this brings our total to somewhere around 10. 10 best friends to be reunited in the city of sin, though in our case that town could be witchita kansas, considering only bad things are bound to happen when we all get together. its been a long time since we were all together. well over a year. for jenny, her move was the best thing that ever happened to her. as sad as we all were to see her go, it mimicked a mother seeing her daughter off to college. emotions run high, you cant imagine not seeing them everyday but you know, you know that its for the best.

so in a month and a half the lynx and llama will be together. Vegas will surely turn into a zoo. literally.

ello ello ello ello vee eee

There have been multiple events in the past few weeks that have me constantly on edge. I dont sleep at night, but ill sleep all day. i either over eat or forget to eat. im always stressed, there seems to always be something to worry about. which is exactly why i moved here, to get away from that. Utah has proven to not be good for me. Never in such a short time in my life has so much gone wrong.
But i deal with it, its life, and im a lucky girl. i am beyond blessed in almost every aspect of my life. One of my major strengths as my blog makes obvious is my girlfriends. I talk to these girls everyday and they never fail to put a smile on my face. no matter how bad the day may be.
One of these girls inparticular, gets me everytime. Always such a little trooper, always happy, always loving life and loving me . . .but not loving LOVE
This drives me NUTS!!!
I LOVE love. always have, ive grown up in a family of women who feel the same way. its no secret, my mother and her love history. and as strange as 8 marriages might sound, to me its normal, it luck, its bad luck, its the constant pursiut of love. and at some point you look back and wonder. Is love pursuing me?
With Kelly it is. And homegirl is on the run.
Kelly and I are very much the same. We have so much in common sometimes its eerie. But when it comes to love and relationships we are very different.
from the time i was a little girl i have dreamed of my future husband, my wedding, my dress, my children, even my childrens children. Ive always had a crush. always had a boy by my side.. whether it was just for the night, or long term. I have had my heart broken, ive had it crushed as a matter of fact. Ive broken a heart, and ive been careless with many others, including my own.
Kelly, has never had a real love. never been a girlfriend. never had a heartbreak, or broken any. Theres days when im envious of this. god what it must like to not have to have that heaviness in your chest. the tears in your eyes.
But then i check myself. Amongst all of my heartaches and tears, i have become who i am. my character has been built, my personality distinguished, my self esteem, although put through the ringer, has been built up.
She doesnt believe in love. she believes in the common assumption that people confuse lust for love. but if youve never felt love, how can you even tell the difference.
ive felt both.
love is real
love is the best thing we do (in the wise words of none other than ashlee simpson)
My dream is for kelly to fall in love, and yes dare i say it, have her heart broken. Its necessary. to rise you must fall. in the end youll be greatful. and the next time that love comes around, it will seem that much more sweet and that much more right.
she doesnt have to look for it. it will find her. it finds us all. most of the time its unexpected. it creeps up and before you know it your mind and heart are consumed with the thought of just this one person. and you find yourself smiling at just the thought of them.
Kelly it can come at any moment. it could be the guy at table 16, it could be the cook at los arroyos, it could be the next tanning client at avia. So in the wise words of my grandma. Always put on your lipstick when the doorbell rings, you never know, the man standing on the other side of the door could be your next husband.

keep the change

A year ago today, 6 of my very best friends and I were boarding a plane to Mexico. A week to be spent at a Hacienda on the hill, just 7 girls, with little or no worries, looking for a relaxing and good time.
Fast forward one year. Of these 7 only 3 are left together. Not to say that we arent friends, we just all have moved on. The friendships remain but the closeness is now distant. Talks come via text, advice is now given over the phone and laughter shared in the form of LOL.
I do not like change. Never have. but obviously change is party of life. as we grow, we change. our bodies change our ideals change our priorities change. Friends change, boyfriends change, housing changes, even our families change.
I feel that in no other point is change more immenent than in your 20's. College, jobs, breakups, apartments. Its always changing. somethings more subtly than others, but always, there is always something different today than it was yesterday.
So how do we cope with this? Can we cope with this? Or do we, in the end, pay our dues, and keep the change?
Its a hard realization to come to, when you realize what you once had and how it will never be that way again. Our monday night tv sessions, sunday drinking sessions, friday dinner with the girls gossip sessions. never again will we have exactly that. Sure we will find it in other forms. Soon enough we will have husbands, who have friends and their wives will be our friends. Modern day sewing circles. But for now, what do we have? Who do we have?
For me I hold onto these girls. these memories. and strive hard to continue to create more. only from now on they will be bigger memories and fewer and far between. But im learning to accept that. Im learning to cope with this change. Im learning that in every handful of change, theres usually a penny.
a lucky one

having a moment

i once went through a really bad break up. the kind of break up that alters your world. it left me homeless, hungry, tired, stressed, and unable to function for a period of time. that kind of break up that is neccessary in life. builds character, changes you, makes you realize you who you are. your strengths your weaknessess, your loves your hates, your needs your wants and how to differentiate the two.
it was hard. extremely hard. ive dealt with a lot in my short life and i can say without question, that this was not only the hardest thing for me to deal with but the hardest for me to overcome. and some days it still gets to me. i can still find myself questioning where it all went wrong. placing blame and getting angry.
during this time there was one thing that pulled me through. one thing that comforted me in my sadness and slapped me in my stupidness.
my friends
i do not know how i would have made it through.
and they all played such different roles. some just listened, some took me out to party it out of my mind, some shook the nonsense out of me and one even sat in the hospital with me :)
and even now almost two years later, i have the same friends. and i still turn to them daily for all my small boy problems, my complaints about my body, my annoyance with my family, my funny utah nonsense stories. they are still here. and because they are, i am

bernices addition to my post :)

Hey pretty ladies. Brin added her own takes on all yall. hope you all do too. I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!! theres something you do, thats got me walkin on the mooooooooon

i'm laying in bed crying reading this. not crying but sobbing like i was earlier while watching "kendra" the baby episode. hopefully im not preggers. this is simply amazing miss karl chung... here is my addition to this lovely list plus the intro to your own greatness.

kelbelv. no words to describe. tan as hell. leopard tank from express and robot shorts from j7. has seen me at my very worst. (wizzing while puking/the serious breakdown-breakup with den). ahh the nights of wine miami social and gossip. the nicest most genuine person i've met in my life (sorry betches, but we all know it's true)... keith-this kind of feels like the game we played on jason's boat when jason's mean thing to say about you was that you drunk dial him to much??

dasha. wild child. have pics on my phone of her boobs on my phone, ripping her leggings off at calle cerrito. she doesn't remember a second of it. the most sincere and honest lady nonetheless. would never lie. makes me laugh when i want to cry. smarter far beyond her years. probably cadavers most situations in the best way possible.

LAWWWWWWDDDYY!!! i always thought i was soooo funny. until i found out larry laughs like she's stoned watching america's funniest home videos about 18 hrs a day-not just at my jokes. this is was i love about laura. no matter how stressed she is (which is always. about everything from boys, to iv, to writing papers, to picking up her truck from khalids, to which shoes to wear, to running late, to working out, to drinking muscle milk or hornitos) she smiles and laughs. we started out as boyfriends laying on the front lawn of 721 islay at approximately 5am with simon and randy spooning to our left and dasha and panda dry humping to our right. our love is so right lawwdy lawwdy pop that baawdy.

youthful. young mike. youthful youthful young and truthful. ex of anal birtha. her youthfulness is what i love the most. she can be pissed of with steam blowing out her ears dealing with a dg @ omals when i walk behind the bar, pick her up and take her to the bathroom, and she's a new woman. laughing, snorting, carrying change. the first person to call on a sunday or monday to hit the 500 block before noon. i know if i really need something, i can count on mike. to pick up a check from a random neighbor on orilla del mar, or a box of wine 40 minutes before work. love this beauty nuglet.

simon. syrah. where do i even start. sara makes me feel at home. like family. whether it be cooking, working, shopping, bowling, drinking, dancing, rolling, or cuddling together, she's a true companion. we've broken so many rules and made so many memories together it's silly. always the person to get real time talk with about anything in life. loyal, smart, and gorgeous.

kadl. kamkam! from wang. punzy. karlito. chunga. my sister. serially. my sister. i don't know what words can describe you kadl. i remember the first 2 encounters i had with you. for about 6 months you were the girl who gave downey a manzillion. the second encounter was when i was managing indo (yes i managed indo on tuesday nights). i closed early one evening considering the only people in the bar all night were you, dylan, dasha, possibly lynx and jenelle. I turned on the lights and i heard a loud voice booming "is this place closing? what the fuck? let's get out of here" i was pissed. i was even more pissed when i had to face you on my first shift in the lounge. about 20 mins into the shift, however, i was in love. as were you (say i do. now!). there are too many inside jokes, nicknames, catcalls, sexual phrases, whathaveyous, to even start. i think i can speak for every single one of us mexuals that it doesn't make sense how your big heart fits in that little body. you have made and continue to make up a part of my life that is irreplaceable (by beyonce. house of dereon). bangs hangin in the eyes, bebe shirts from '98, and the highest heels on a sunday afternoon, love you kamkamkadl.

love ju girls beyond belief and miss you like crazy. can't wait till may. vivaaa las vegas and this beautiful group of besties forever.

distance makes my heart grow fonder

the other night jake and i were standing outside smoking and he asked me about my friends.
it was a short conversation with an eternal affect.
i started to think about my girlfriends. i mean really think about them. in that moment and every moment since i cant stop thinking about these selly betches.
to say i am blessed would be an understatement. i think about each one induvidually. all little peices so different but so the same, all fitting perfectly together to form something that cant even be put into words. but cant go un noticed.

Kelly - aka keith aka kelbel aka little kami - the young one, the so called innocent one, which i suppose she honestly was until i took over. the dancer, the always, and i mean always, girl who can put a smile on your face. by the book, obeys the rules. turns any story into an inside joke. cries only when neccessary. a light that is impossible to turn off and youd go broke paying the electric bill just to keep her around.

Tasha - aka tish aka nathan aka dasah - the bad ass. bitchy at times and doesnt give a fuck. so quick witted you never know what hit you. big fabulous fake boobs that we are all secretly jealous of. independent to say the least. would punch a girl in the face for you, litterally. loves ranch. honest, brutally honest. will never tell you what you want to hear, but always what you need to. my music buddy. no show is the same if shes not there with me.

Brin - aka bernice aka bren aka ahi tuna wraps - the . . .there are no words to describe her one. a smile the size of texas. always has a nickname in store. loves speaking in accents. has no shame, the girl has never been embarrassed a day in her life. can make me laugh like no other. so many inside jokes that at times i forget. a party girl, like PARTY girl. sweetest face, dirty mouth. i could spend everyday with her and never get annoyed. ive seen this girl inside and out, like really, and couldnt love a soul more.

Laura - aka lawddy aka taco - the slutty one. but not in a bad way :) laughs at anything, the girl will make you feel like jim carey no matter what you say. snorts louder than a prize hog. has a hard time walking in heels when drunk. takes steroids, wants to be a fireman. strongest bitch i know. has been known to party. the only girl i could call at 7 am and shes up and wants to go to daily grind too. the biggest heart. loves her girlfriends and always lets us know. probably the only person in the world that could actually get me to drink super pump and then work out, and then make me puke all afternoon and because its her, id do it all over again

Michaelyn - aka mikey- aka mike - the bitch. sharp tongue and isnt afraid to use it. ALWAYS working. never gets to party with us but when she does, look out! my roomate. my fast food buddy. gets drunk, likes to buy the entire bar a round of mind erasers. snorts too. undercover ho, and good at it. the BEST body of anyone, no question. beyond smart. beyond beautiful. the prettiest green eyes ever. gives good advice, needs to learn how to take it. loves boys and boys love her. sometimes i think she is a boy, or a lesbian. always knows what to say to make me feel better. i miss her everyday that i wake up and realize . . .im not in sb anymore

Sara - aka simon aka simona - the bumpkin. the one with a boyfriend. a country girl at heart. serious at times. likes to drink. loves dominos. will tell you like it is. dont piss her off. a pretty girl that loves her pretty friends. " wants us to stick together" gets wild. not one to dress slutty. a bartender. always makes good apps and throws a good party. a good girlfriend to us and randy. works hard plays hard. no other girl like her

my best friends. my mexuals.

two tigers

i told someone i would dedicate a blog to them. kind of a big deal. an entire post, all about one person, one little face, one heart. directly from mine to theirs.

no names needed, anyone who knows will know, and few will understand.

its officially 2:40 pm on sunday, im sitting in my bed wishing i was anywhere but here. 10 days. thats all i get. if i even get that. these past few months have been strange to say the least. making friends losing friends missing friends. tiny little twists of fate that led me to a boy. then more twists that took him away, then us airways that took me back to him. the real life took me away again, then the almighty dollar, or lack there of, brought him back, and now . . . well now the road. the road takes him away again. traveling through the mountains with the irony that only being shackled to the road may he really be free.

sad but happy. tiny tears at the thought of no more, but giant smiles in the thought of someone i sincerely care about doing something just because, because they want to, because they need to, because it will make them happy.

so ill sleep happy and dream sweet with all the little memories made in such a short time. there isnt a time that i can remember when i felt so comfortable so fast, smiled so much, laughed so sincerely and believed so immensly.

ill consider myself lucky, as well as anyone that meets this face on that trail. whether they get him for a mile or 200. they wont forget.

and i wont either

as much love as one could have in such short time

i send it with you

and hope that on somedays at some point, we think of each other at the same time

and ill smile