PS. Ive since showered
good as new :)

Dirty, or looks dirty

Day four of no gas.
Not Kelly Villegas kind of gas, but actual gas. Or something like that. I am a lot of things, but handy around the house is not one of them. It took me these 4 days to realize something wasnt right. Yes, I am that girl who let water run for 10 minutes before i realized it wasnt getting hot. Then did the same thing later that day, and then again the next day. Until my genius of a brother said, "its probably the water heater." Utah schools are clearly better than California's
Its Monday. The last time I showered? Thursday
i know right!? So gross. It wasnt my intention of just being dirty for 4 days. I mean if Im being honest, I showered Thursday morning, then i went out. drank a little, danced in a sweaty club to a white reggae band and then slept in bed with a boy who, dare I say it, prolly hasnt showered in a few days either.ummmmmmm. awkward. Friday comes, no hot water .No biggie, ill just spray some perfume, load up on deodorant. However it was pretty hot at work that day, and i was wearing a long sleeved collared shirt. it was also perfect hiking weather that evening, so i ventured into the woods. I was tired when I got home, so I figured, what the hey! Ill just shower manana.
WELP, the next day came and I turned the water on. I let it run, ice cold, i waited, frickin freezing. Way to cold to shower. This is rigth about when the light bulb went off over my brothers head.
FUCK
WElP, hopefully no one at work smells anything funky. So i washed my face, slicked back my do and got dressed. My brother was supposed to take care of the situation.
*note to self: do not rely on 21 year old siblings of the male gender to take care of anything.Needless to say, I got home that night and the water was still cold.
So now its Saturday, I have to work and Im officially dirty. like, I can smell myself dirty. not cool. not sexual.
So i opt for the only thing i can think of. I soak a washcloth, strip down and start rubbin my body. Is this ok?
I figure, I like dirty boys, so shouldnt they like a dirty girl? Or do i like boys that just look dirty. And i dont wanna be a girl that just looks dirty . . .EFF.
Quite a predicament. None the less, i finish with my cloth and stick my head in the kitchen sink and attempt to wash my hair. Removable nozzles on kitchen faucets. GENIUS!
And at the end of all this.
i look good
and smell ok

Party at the Cemetary? At least I'm dressed appropriately

Just when I thought Utah couldnt get any more weird. Memorial Day 2010 was unlike any other for me. Normally days like that mean i get to stay in bed, horribly hungover from the day/night before. However since i live in the lameshine state at the moment, there would be no such thing. Instead my Sunday was replaced with 8 hours of boring work and my hangover with a ride to the beautiful city of Ogden, where I'd be in for quite a spectacle. And what a spectacle it was. At none other than, THE CEMETARY.
Now, I know that Memorial Day is all about honoring the dearly departed. Especially those that have served our country. And I have known a few, and I have remembered them on a daily basis, and I did remember them this day. So this blog isnt to offend anyone. It is to find humor in the situation that was posed. As one of the graves I visited was my stepdads, and I KNOW he would have got a kick out of what was going on just 6 feet above his resting place.
Because my stepdad is buried there, the Ogden Cemetary is one that I have frequented over the years. But never on Memorial Day. As we exit the freeway my mom pulls into a line of cars about 100 long
this is the line to ENTER!!!
Half an hour later we finally make it in, recieve a map from some old lady who looks days away from being here permanantly, and we begin to search for parking.
This is where it really gets weird.

Yes ladies and gents, that is a concession stand. at the cemetary. offering a variety of cupcakes, chips and soft drinks.
I couldnt believe it. But i couldnt ignore it. So i grabbed a cupcake and a diet coke. Just like the fatties that order no mayo, extra ranch. irony
Now speaking of cupcakes, As i stated in my previous blog, i attended a show of a friends band just a few days prior to my cemetary adventure. As i was getting ready this morning, i though, "OOH! ill wear my new shirt"
Picture me now, walking through a cemetary sporting a shirt that reads, DEAD COUNTRY. wow kami, way to state the obvious. The only thing that could have been more awkward would have been if I wore one of Mike's, MURDERLAND . . .
So as we continue to walk through, i am baffled by the party that is going on, bands playing, old cars parkin, and not parking on the street mind you, cars were actually parking ON THE GRASS!!!
like WTF, its bad enough people are unloading picnic baskets and kids are playing tag, and now cars who cant find parking are just pulling up on the grass. CRIPES. i think ill be cremated, thanks!







































eventually we find my stepdads grave, amongst all the morman muffins and french braids.
we kneel down and clear his headstone, place flowers and i cant help but get a little choked up. for a moment the chaos around me goes silent and its just me and him. i remember his never ending stories, his jokes, his booming voice, his sneezes that would scare me through the roof. and i smile. i know he knows im there and i know he loves it. my thoughts are blurred and i close my eyes, just remembering, and truly feeling that i was beyond blessed to have this man in my life as a father figure for the time i did. i was anything but a good teenager and he handled it like no one could have.
my meditative state is then shattered when my grandma leans down, drops some roses and says "see ya soon Roger!"
GRANDMA!! does the woman realize what she just said!? like welp, im about to hit it. meet you in the after life. geez. the older you get . . .
we walked back to the car and i couldnt help but talk about all these people, laughing crying, eating, all at the cemetary. it was so strange to me. and my mom looks over at me as a i snap a shot of a band, and says "youre the one in a dead country tee taking pictures on an iphone, whos the real creep here"
point taken.



love you Roger. miss you everyday

icing on cupcakes. words with friends. a night with DEAD COUNTRY

This little llama went to dead country yesterday.
actually i guess that part falls somewhere in the middle of the story. so ill start from the get go.
it was a cold and windy wednesday night. . . .



So pat texts me wednesday to give me the greatest news of the week! he tells me dead country is playing SLC thursday night. effen rad. couldnt have been happier if i never grew a hair in my armpits again.
so thursday comes around and the boys show up, from a long drive outta denver. dirty, sweaty, actually pretty sexual looking. picture 4 boys of this nature sitting around on my white suede sectional.with asian accents on the table as they watched their own music video on their mac. which by the way is awesome. lucky girl am i.
So i washed a load of laundry for them and they all took turns gettin in the showers. Luckily i have 2!
Pat went in
Jonny went
Pat came out
Jarrod went in
Jarrod came out
Nick Pat Jarrod and I sat and talked . . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
Jonny came out, oddly looking the exact same as when he went in
and then it was nicks turn.
all eyes on Nick.
"nah, im not gonna shower, i feel fine"
insert 4 voices in reasoning tones letting nick know the benefits of the shower.

"THE SHOWER INTERVENTION"

He caves. goes up stairs. we hear the water turn on. 5 minutes - - - -water turns off.
we all look at each other.
remember when you were little and didnt wanna brush your teeth, or wash your hands? so youd just go in the bathroom, close the door and turn on the water?
pretty sure that was nicks game yesterday.
nonetheless.
i cheered when he came down the stairs.
so the boys debate on bbq or not
we opt for greek. go figure
we head to the venue, check it and scatter to the restaurant.
nick jonny and jarrod - law abiding citizens, wait for the walk sign. pat and i, charge on

SLC READERS BEWARE!
when ordering a gyro at Souvlaki be sure to get the PLATE not the combo
For the wonderful price of $8.08 you can get
a gyro, rice and beverage
OR
a gyro, rice, fries, fry sauce, and a salad.
if you can tell me how that makes sense, ill buy your next meal, or ill just give eight dollars and eight cents.
as we eat i fake reporter the boys. for every 11 words i speak they speak 3 combined.
we talk a little about donuts but when the time comes, we pussy out.
as we walk back to the URBAN LOUNGE a small critter runs through the bushes. not a big deal, just a




















oh and i should mention that jonny was a super sport. considering his meal came out as we were finishing ours.

Moving forward.

We arrive at the venue.
The LAKERS win in dramatic fashion.
I turn Nick onto WWF (words with friends) if you dont know now you know
we play each other while sitting next to each other. except of course for the moment when pat says nicks taking a shit as my phone simultaneously lights up that nick has made a move. gross. but multi tasking. ima fan of that
we grab some chairs and sit around a table

we talk about cheek pinching which instantly turned me off of the first band. they could have sounded like Against Me! and i wouldnt have listened. asshole front man pinchin cheeks.
who does that
and who does that while wearing skinny jeans with cowboy boots.

and then this little llama went to dead country.
If you get anything from this blog, I hope it be new music. I hope it be this band.

BECAUSE THEYRE FUCKING RADICAL

8 songs that went by way to fast. 4 super rad people on stage playing theyre little hearts out.
i wear 5 inch gold hoops and false eyelashes.
i watch gossip girl and sometimes i like an umbrella in my drink
and i love this band. so check em out at
http://www.myspace.com/deadcountryla
and ladies. they were featured on the hills. NBD

Because im a nice girl. i wont dealve into one focus of the night.ill just insert some words to help you understand.
loud
embarassing
pats my ex bf
awkward comments
drunk
drugs?
chokeholds

but at the end of the day, the night was about these boys. and their music. and i suppose my convos with cupcake werent all that bad.
- CC, no shaved heads and likes to hold hands.

I love music. im lucky enough to have good friends that have introduced me to so many rad bands. and its the icing on the cupcake when the artists are your friends :)

and just a side note.
as i was in the crowd i could help but notice a strong resemblence.
you be the judge. pat and i already agreed, next to smoking popes, jonas is the shit























and ps
thank you pat for believing i was small enough to fit in a girls XS preshrunk. cause i am. REALLY skinny. the snake just looks fat

my pitch for kellys pitch (aka) hi guys! Im kelly, from santa barbara . . . .

Hi GUYS!!!!!
My name's Kelly, Im from Arcata CA, aka Burlville. I currently live in Santa Barbara and i am a gay man trapped in a females body. I highly resemble jim carrey and i act like him on the daily. and not intentionally. im just naturally really awkward. but it works for me. i mean it doesnt get me boyfriends or anything, but it gets laughs. I dont believe in love. but i do believe in unicorns and trolls. in fact i am a troll at heart.
I have an infectious laugh. "BAH" is the best way to describe it. its loud and unruly. just like me. i think that i would look really good on TV because real world never has a fat girl. and its like come on Bunim Murray, get with the times. we aint all skinny. especially me. I suppose that could be my pitch. Im the fat girl. Always funny, always purging.
I would also bring some prettiness to the show. not in the form of me, but of my friends. I basically have the worlds prettiest best friends. Ones from DC, dont mistake that, SHE IS FROM DC. and the other, is a wanna be playboy bunny that is now old and washed up with far fetched dreams. but still, theyre both really pretty




















like really pretty.
anyways. im a really happy little mexi nuggget. I was well behaved my entire life until im met 6 fabulous girls that changed my life.
now im super sexual and deviant.
but i never tell a lie.
I like tequila, red wine and gossip girl. I love carnita salads, and lots of modifications. I think id be good for this show because im different looking. native if you will. I have indian ancestory. and im not afraid to admit that. I am an EXCELLENT dancer. LIKE REALLY GOOD.
im kinda of smart, and a good massage therapist, although i like to be touched more than i like to touch.
my favorite color is nude, and my favorite song is birthday sex. i love soft things, and i sometimes forget what happened the night before. Ive been known to pass out while eating late night

amongst other things.
Im mexican. and i love chinese food, although it doesnt always agree with me. i go to the bathroom 18 times a day, and yet, i dont lose weight. im not afraid to fart on camera or make out with boys. but lesbihonest. ill be doing a lot more farting than kissing. so thats me in a nutshell.
please choose me.
im 22, ive only 3 years left. and lord knows ill never make into playboy.
Thank you
and good night

it. must. be the ass

In the profound words of Jennifer Lopez and JaRule "aint it funnaay" Back from Santa Barbara. A quick weekend of weddings, sushi, laughter, tritips, laker losses, and a little bit of booze ;) but really, it is funny. The last time i went back to sb was the very begining of January. Of course even then i had only been gone for two months, but i was still ecstatic to see my friends and family. but when i left, i was okay with it. not too sad, not happy but not devastated. this time. DEPRESSED. i cried, i laughed, i cried, i ate chorizo, and laughed some more. and over this chorizo breakfast i had a fabulous talk with my dad. and decided that home really is not only where your heart is but where your friends are, where your dad is, where a fat little shnauzer named shotzie resides. for me, thats Santa Barbara. took me 6 1/2 tortuous months to realize i can make a life for myself there. if i could get past my partyllama ways. and i can. i will. so a weekend of drinking and dancing and smiling from the depths of my soul to the curves of my now infamous 10 sizes bigger of a butt, all this turned into me realizing where i belong and who i should be. aint that funny

just this little guy hangin out all weekend

So Im head to SANTA BARBARA manana!!!!!!
asdlkfjwe4o82abgdsabhry#$^$%Y(AFVafekgtj[03q8t6u
thats code for FUCK YES!
i normally dont like to curse in my blog in the case that some small child gets a hold of a computer and stumbles accross it. Children like animals, perhaps one my google llama. and WHAM up comes the llama blog. fuck shit boners burt. ugh. just awful.
So although i just saw 7 amazing girls 2 weeks ago, i couldnt be more excited to see them again. although we will be minus two.
moment of silence for Brin and Jenny






okay.
it will be a fast weekend.
gossip is sure to flow like crown at the lounge on a sunday night
laughter will be louder than an ashlee simpson love song
and feet will be dancing like alex gallup in a tyler perry movie
theres just one thing
theres all us girls
and one big elephant that will be standing in the room